Reclaiming Collective Care: Building a Community of Decolonized Parenting
How Interdependence and Shared Wisdom Liberate Us from the Isolation of the Nuclear Family
Objective:
To highlight the importance of building and nurturing community as a foundation for decolonized parenting. This article explores how communal care, rooted in the lived experiences of poverty and ethnic identity, serves as the foundation for decolonized parenting. By reclaiming the power of interdependence and community healing, we challenge the isolating structures of the nuclear family and individualism, creating a network of shared support, wisdom, and collective liberation.
Introduction:
Parenting can feel like an overwhelming, solitary task—especially when societal expectations encourage isolation within the nuclear family structure. Parenting is rarely, if ever, something we can do effectively on our own. Historically, in so many cultures, parenting was a communal practice, where support came from extended families, neighbors, and friends. As we move toward decolonizing our parenting practices, it becomes clear that the journey cannot be done in isolation. Building a community of like-minded parents, caregivers, and supporters is crucial for success.
When we talk about decolonizing parenting, we often focus on how to break down oppressive systems in our homes and with our children. But the reality is, parenting has never been a solitary act.
For me, communal care wasn’t something I found in parenting books or from traditional models. It came from lived experiences—poverty and Irish ethnic identity shaped my understanding of community in profound ways. These subcultures, often created in response to survival, taught me how to lean on others in ways that felt natural, necessary, and deeply supportive. It’s a reality that challenges the capitalist, individualistic ideas of family we’ve been fed for generations.
Key Themes:
The Power of Collective Support
In environments shaped by poverty and marginalization, collective care is a necessity, not an ideal. It’s a form of survival that demands we pool our resources, share responsibilities, and lean on each other when the weight becomes too much to bear alone. This isn’t a new idea—it’s ancient, deeply embedded in our ancestral ways of being, where raising children was a communal effort, and family extended beyond bloodlines.
Storytelling Example:
In my younger parenting days, I lived this truth every day. Friends and I shared everything—food, childcare, rides to work, and even holiday celebrations. We created a community where no one had to feel alone, where our children saw firsthand what it meant to rely on and care for one another. It wasn’t about being perfect parents or providing lavish experiences; it was about making sure our children were fed, loved, and seen. We leaned on each other because we had to—but in doing so, we also discovered the power of collective care.
I learned early on, especially in my younger parenting years, that communal care is essential. I had friends who became my lifeline, who are still in my life today as I parent a second set of kids (and they gain the joys of grandparenting) That were essential to my and my child’s well being. We shared the responsibility of food, holidays, and even caring for each other’s children. This wasn’t out of convenience, but because it was how we kept each other going. Through these experiences, I came to understand that true community isn’t transactional; it’s tribal, it’s communal, and it’s necessary for survival.
As I’ve moved up in the capitalist hierarchy, I’ve noticed how much is lost as people accumulate resources. The more wealth and status you gain, the more disconnected you become from this tribal sense of care. People begin to perform within systems of whiteness—everyone striving for individual success, and in that pursuit, the safety net of community starts to unravel.
Action Step:
Consider who is in your circle that you can lean on. What resources—emotional, physical, or spiritual—can you share? Building a community starts by recognizing that we aren’t meant to do it all alone.
Shared Experiences and Communal Wisdom
There’s an unspoken wisdom that emerges when we share our experiences. Within these tribal subcultures, there is a profound exchange of wisdom that transcends formal education or status. When you’ve lived through hardship—whether due to poverty, ethnic marginalization, or generational trauma—you gain insights that can’t be found in a book. This wisdom is passed down not through formal education, but through storytelling, shared struggles, and small victories. It’s a form of resistance that collectivism fosters—a way of saying, "I see you. I’ve been there. Here’s how we can get through this together."
The stories we share in our communities aren’t just anecdotes; they’re maps for survival, they’re blueprints for how to navigate systems of oppression while still maintaining our humanity. In decolonized parenting, this shared wisdom becomes invaluable.
In my parenting community, I’ve found strength in hearing how others navigate their own challenges—whether it's balancing the demands of neurodivergent children or pushing back against the rigid expectations of schooling systems. These conversations remind me that no matter where we are in our journey, we have so much to learn from one another. And unlike the individualistic, competitive models pushed by capitalism, this is not about outperforming others; it’s about lifting each other up.
Personal Example:
I remember a time when I was at my breaking point—exhausted from juggling work, parenting, and all the unseen labor that comes with survival. I had a close friend who, like me, was raising children in a system that offered little support. We would sit together in the evenings, after the kids were asleep, and just talk—about what worked, what didn’t, and the frustrations of trying to navigate a world that was never built for us. In those conversations, I realized how much wisdom I could gain from my community, and how much I had to offer in return. It wasn’t about having all the answers—it was about knowing that we were figuring it out together.
Action Step:
Identify one or two people in your life who share similar values or experiences. Start small, with intentional conversations about parenting, decolonization, and the realities of raising liberated children. You’ll find that in sharing, you also receive.
Community Healing as Liberation
The work of decolonization is deeply tied to healing—both for ourselves and for our children. What many of us often forget is that healing can’t happen in isolation. It is inherently communal. We heal better, faster, and more deeply when we are held and supported by others who understand our journey. It happens when we gather in community, when we share our stories, release our burdens, and create safe spaces for our children to grow and thrive. Healing requires that we break the chains of individualism and understand that our liberation is tied to one another.
For me, healing came from recognizing that the burden of parenting (yes, in a cis, Christian, patriarchal, ableist, misogynistic, racist, xenophobic, homophobic supremacy culture, the joy of parenting is robbed and it becomes a burden) doesn’t have to be carried alone. I had friends who, like me, were trying to raise children in environments that weren’t built for them, trying to decolonize their parenting practices in the midst of systemic oppression. The conversations we had, the shared frustrations and triumphs, allowed us to heal together.
Personal Example:
When I look back on the hardest moments in my life—those times when I didn’t know how I was going to make it through—I realize it wasn’t just my resilience that got me through. It was the community around me, the people who held me up when I couldn’t stand on my own. They fed me, looked after my children, and reminded me that we heal together. That’s the kind of healing I want for my children—to grow up knowing that they are part of something bigger than themselves, that their healing is collective.
Action Step:
Create spaces in your community specifically for healing. Whether it’s through weekly check-ins, monthly gatherings, or even virtual support groups, make time to gather with others who understand the emotional, mental, and spiritual weight of decolonizing parenting. These spaces are sacred and necessary for healing generational trauma.
Tools for Transformation:
Start a Parenting Circle:
If you haven’t already, gather a few parents or caregivers who share similar values. Set up regular meetups (virtual or in-person) where you can share, learn, and support each other. It’s about creating a safe space to decolonize together.Involve Your Children in Building Community:
Teach your children the importance of interconnectedness. Show them that we are not raised in isolation but in community. Encourage them to participate in communal activities, whether it’s cooking, sharing resources, or simply being present in family gatherings. They learn through observation, and when they see interdependence in action, they will carry that forward.Practice Storytelling:
Bring storytelling into your everyday life. Whether it’s sharing your own experiences, ancestral stories, or cultural wisdom, storytelling is a way to pass down knowledge and foster a sense of belonging.Challenge Capitalist Models of Individualism:
Recognize that the further we climb in the hierarchies of capitalism, the more disconnected we become from community. Actively resist the pull of isolation by leaning into communal care—sharing resources, time, and emotional labor with those around you.
Conclusion: Reclaiming Communal Parenting as Liberation
The nuclear family is an isolating structure. But when we decenter the nuclear family and lean into communal care, we return to the tribal roots of shared responsibility, collective healing, and survival. In a world that pushes individualism and competition, the work of decolonized parenting is about reclaiming our interconnectedness. It’s about remembering that we don’t have to do this alone.
'We don’t parent in isolation. At least, we shouldn’t. Communal care is not only a tool for survival, but a form of resistance against the systems that have taught us to isolate and disconnect. In community, we find healing, we share our burdens, and we create spaces where our children can grow up knowing that they are not alone. By decentering the nuclear family and reclaiming a communal approach, we create environments where liberation thrives—for us and for our children.
By building communities that are rooted in care, we not only raise liberated children—we also heal ourselves. This is how we dismantle the systems that seek to isolate and control us, and create a future where our children grow up in liberated, interconnected spaces.
In healing and liberation,
Educator | Counselor | Community Builder
Invitation:
I invite you to join me in building a community around decolonized parenting.
✨ Join the 6-week Parenting for Liberation: Decolonizing Our Relationships with Children cohort and dive deep into collective growth.
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