Building Liberated Foundations: Decolonizing Parenting in Early Childhood
How Consent, Autonomy, and Emotional Safety Lay the Groundwork for Whole, Liberated Children
Building the Foundation of Liberation in Infancy & Early Childhood (Ages 0-5)
Parenting during the early years is full of growth, learning, and immense responsibility. These years are critical in shaping a child’s worldview, and often, it is where colonial legacies of control and power begin to show up in subtle yet significant ways. As we embark on the journey of decolonizing parenting, we must recognize how deeply ingrained these systems are—even in the most intimate moments with our babies and toddlers.
How Colonialism and Ableism Show Up in Early Parenting Practices
From the very beginning, many parenting methods are steeped in control. Think of common practices like strict sleep training, where independence is prioritized over emotional connection, or the pressure to hit developmental milestones like crawling, walking, or potty training by a certain age. These practices often stem from a colonial mindset that values productivity, independence, and self-sufficiency over the slower, more nuanced work of emotional development and connection.
Ableism intersects with these colonial expectations by promoting the idea that there is a “normal” or “correct” way for children to develop, with little room for neurodivergence or varying abilities. When children don’t meet society’s narrow definitions of development—whether due to disability, neurodivergence, or individual differences—parents may feel pressure to “fix” their child or push them to conform. This can reinforce ableist and colonial ideas that there is only one acceptable way to exist and thrive in the world.
Decolonizing parenting requires us to dismantle these notions by embracing every child’s unique developmental journey and rejecting the idea that there is a one-size-fits-all model for success. By creating space for difference, we not only dismantle colonialism but also confront ableism, showing our children that they are valued exactly as they are, regardless of societal expectations.
The Challenges of Decolonized Parenting in a Capitalist System
Parenting in a decolonized way is not only difficult because of ingrained cultural norms but also because we are doing it inside a system—free-market capitalism—that is designed to work against it. Capitalism values productivity, efficiency, and constant output, which places immense pressure on parents to raise children who will “succeed” in this system. This often means pushing for early independence, rushing through developmental milestones, and placing the demands of work and survival above emotional connection.
The reality is that many parents don’t have the time, energy, or resources to fully embrace decolonized parenting practices while also navigating the pressures of capitalism. Working long hours, financial stress, and limited childcare options make it difficult to slow down, be present, and prioritize emotional safety. And that’s no accident—capitalism thrives on creating environments where care, connection, and rest are devalued in favor of productivity and profit.
But despite these pressures, decolonized parenting can still be possible, even within the constraints of capitalism. The goal isn’t perfection or complete rejection of the system (though we can certainly dream of that future!). It’s about finding small, meaningful ways to center liberation, healing, and connection—even when the weight of capitalism feels overwhelming.
Attachment Theory and Emotional Safety
One powerful framework that aligns with decolonized parenting is attachment theory, which emphasizes the critical importance of emotional connection and responsiveness in the early years. Attachment theory tells us that children thrive when they have a secure attachment—a relationship with a primary caregiver who is emotionally available, responsive, and attuned to their needs.
Colonial parenting practices often push children toward premature independence, undermining the secure attachment needed to form a stable foundation of emotional trust. Decolonizing this practice means leaning into emotional attunement, responding to your child’s cues, and prioritizing connection over control. When a child knows they can rely on their caregiver for comfort and support, they develop a secure attachment, which research shows leads to healthier relationships and emotional resilience later in life.
Encouraging Autonomy While Creating Emotional Safety
Decolonized parenting challenges these notions by prioritizing emotional safety and bodily autonomy. One of the most powerful acts of decolonization in early childhood is the simple act of slowing down. Instead of focusing on whether our children are “hitting their milestones,” we can focus on creating an environment where they feel safe to explore their world, make mistakes, and grow at their own pace.
Encouraging autonomy in infants and toddlers doesn’t mean enforcing independence before they’re ready. It means supporting their natural development by giving them the freedom to express themselves, make choices, and feel heard. Whether it’s offering choices about which clothes to wear, which toy to play with, or how they want to be comforted, we are teaching them that their voice matters.
When we create emotional safety, we’re building a foundation for lifelong trust. This means honoring their emotions, even when those emotions are big and difficult to manage. A child crying because they don’t want to sleep alone isn’t trying to manipulate you; they are expressing a genuine need for connection. When we respond with empathy and presence instead of control or frustration, we teach them that their feelings are valid, and they learn to trust both themselves and you.
Practicing Consent with Infants and Toddlers
Consent isn’t just for adults, and it certainly isn’t limited to sexual matters—it’s a practice that begins far earlier in life. In our home, we often say, “Consent in all things,” because it is foundational to building trust and respect. One of the most important ways to dismantle control is by practicing consent with our children from the very beginning. Whether it’s asking your toddler if they’re ready for a diaper change or giving them the opportunity to say no to a hug, these small acts teach them that their bodies are their own.
Teaching consent at this stage helps children develop a sense of body sovereignty that will serve them for life. They learn that their boundaries are to be respected and that they have the right to say no. This is especially crucial when we consider how systems of whiteness and colonialism often deny bodily autonomy, reinforcing power structures that take without asking. By practicing consent with our infants and toddlers, we’re planting the seeds for a liberated future where they grow up understanding that their body is theirs, and theirs alone.
Modeling Consent is also key. When we, as parents, ask for consent in our own interactions—whether with a partner, family member, or friend—our children see that consent is a standard part of healthy relationships. Something as simple as asking, “Can I give you a hug?” or “Is it okay if we talk about this now?” models for them how mutual respect and consent work in everyday interactions. Our children watch how we navigate boundaries, and through this, they learn that consent is not optional—it’s a fundamental part of respect.
Empowerment through Choice: Offering children choices, even in simple daily routines, is another way to affirm their autonomy. Whether it’s choosing what to wear, what book to read, or which toy to play with, these opportunities empower children to make decisions about their own bodies and experiences. By fostering this sense of empowerment, we reinforce the idea that their preferences matter and that they have agency over their own lives. This also supports the development of critical thinking and self-confidence, which are crucial for navigating the world with a sense of ownership and freedom.
Pillars Dismantled: Control, Individualism, Perfectionism, and Ableism
Early childhood is often where control, individualism, perfectionism, and ableism first manifest in the parent-child relationship. Here’s how these pillars show up and how we can dismantle them:
Control: Colonial parenting relies on control—control of behavior, emotions, and bodies. By practicing consent, honoring autonomy, and creating emotional safety, we challenge the idea that control is necessary for raising “well-behaved” children.
Individualism: Supremacy culture places immense value on individualism, teaching us that children should be independent as early as possible. Instead, decolonized parenting emphasizes interdependence, showing our children that it’s okay to rely on others, especially when they’re learning to navigate the world.
Perfectionism: The pressure to hit milestones or have the “perfect” child is rooted in colonial ideas of productivity and success. By slowing down and focusing on connection rather than outcomes, we dismantle perfectionism and create space for emotional growth.
Ableism: Ableism promotes a narrow definition of what is “normal” or “successful” development. Decolonized parenting honors each child’s unique journey, challenging the notion that difference is a deficit.
Healing Focus: Trusting the Process and Letting Go of Perfectionism
As parents, we’ve internalized these colonial values—whether it’s the pressure to have a child who walks or talks early, or the subtle fear of judgment when our parenting doesn’t align with societal expectations. This process of unlearning requires deep reflection and healing. The first step is learning to trust the process. Trust that your child is developing exactly as they need to, and trust that connection is far more important than control.
Letting go of perfectionism isn’t easy, especially when the world around us constantly pushes for more, faster, and better. But healing comes when we release the need for our children to be anything other than who they are in the moment. As you dismantle perfectionism within yourself, you’ll find that you’re able to show up more fully for your child, offering them the love, patience, and presence they need to grow into liberated, whole individuals.
Decolonized Parenting Tips Whilst Navigating Capitalism
Practicing decolonized parenting in the midst of capitalism isn’t easy. But here are some tips to integrate liberation-focused parenting while navigating the pressures of work, financial stress, and lack of time:
Prioritize small moments of connection: You don’t need hours of uninterrupted time to create emotional safety. Even small moments—like singing a song together during bath time or taking five minutes to listen to your child’s feelings—can build trust.
Set realistic expectations: Capitalism pressures us to do it all, but liberation means letting go of perfection. Accept that you can’t always be present every moment, and that’s okay. It’s the intention behind your presence that matters.
Create “pause points” in your day: Incorporate small pauses where you intentionally slow down, take a breath, and center connection over productivity. This might be as simple as sitting quietly with your child for a few moments before you leave for work.
Involve your children in shared responsibilities: Rather than seeing chores or daily tasks as a burden, invite your child to participate in ways that feel collaborative. This teaches interdependence and can make daily routines a shared experience rather than another box to check off.
Practice self-compassion: You are navigating a system designed to make parenting difficult. Allow yourself grace. Your commitment to showing up, even when it’s hard, is a radical act of liberation.
Decolonizing parenting in the early years is a powerful act of liberation, both for you and your child. It sets the stage for a relationship built on trust, respect, and emotional safety—one that honors the slow, beautiful process of growth rather than the fast, rigid outcomes demanded by colonial systems. Let’s give ourselves and our children the grace to grow at our own pace, knowing that liberation starts here, in the smallest of choices and the gentlest of moments.
Conclusion: Planting Seeds of Liberation from the Start
Decolonizing parenting is not about finding perfection but about being intentional in how we dismantle the systems of control, ableism, and supremacy that have long shaped traditional parenting practices. In the earliest stages of a child’s life, we have the opportunity to plant the seeds of liberation by honoring their autonomy, fostering emotional safety, and practicing consent in all things. These seemingly small acts—like giving choices, respecting boundaries, and modeling healthy consent—create a foundation of trust and empowerment that will serve our children throughout their lives.
Parenting in a decolonized way is difficult, especially within a capitalist system designed to push productivity over connection and independence over interdependence. Yet, even within these constraints, we can find moments of liberation. By slowing down, letting go of perfectionism, and prioritizing connection, we give ourselves and our children the grace to grow and thrive in their own time and way.
This journey requires unlearning what we’ve been taught about control, success, and normalcy, but as we do the inner work of healing ourselves, we create space for our children to grow into liberated, whole beings. We don’t have to navigate this path perfectly; we just need to navigate it with intention, care, and a commitment to mutual liberation. Together, we can raise the next generation to move through the world with confidence in their bodies, security in their emotions, and trust in their voices.
Further Reading and Resources
As we continue the work of decolonizing parenting, these books provide valuable insight into how we can foster autonomy, practice consent, and nurture emotional safety in our children:
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Understanding the impact of trauma on the body and how healing can start through connection and safety.Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields
Mindful practices for breaking reactive parenting patterns and raising kind, emotionally healthy children.No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame by Janet Lansbury
A respectful approach to parenting toddlers that emphasizes autonomy and emotional safety.The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
A guide to mindful parenting, where parents’ awareness and healing lead the way to nurturing liberated children.
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In solidarity and healing,
Educator | Counselor | Community Builder
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