Dismantling the Shame of Starting Over
Why beginning again is sacred & how to navigate rebirth without guilt.
Good evening,
Before you continue reading, let’s pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Feel the day’s tension begin to soften in your shoulders, your jaw, your hands. Give yourself permission to be fully here, right now.
I want to begin by acknowledging that this article is coming to you later than usual today. It was sitting in my drafts, waiting for some thoughtful touches, and—as time often does—it slipped away from me. Between my intentional "off" Friday of caring for myself (hello, fresh nails!) and preparing for a family school night, I also found myself immersed in thoughtful conversations and reader responses, which took more time and energy than anticipated.
I share this openly because transparency is part of dismantling shame—particularly the shame around "falling behind," "not doing enough," or having to "start over." Timeliness is important to me and to you, my readers, and I honor that. But tonight, this unplanned delay also feels like a gentle teaching moment: a real-life example of releasing perfectionism and embracing our humanity.
Tonight, we’re creating gentle space to explore something powerful and deeply human: the shame many of us feel around starting over.
The truth is, we live in a culture obsessed with linear progress. We celebrate continuous upward movement, clear paths, and straightforward success stories. Supremacy culture whispers that we must always move forward perfectly—that setbacks, restarts, or detours signify failure. But life isn’t linear. Growth isn’t neat. And rebirth isn’t failure—it’s sacred.
Let me say this clearly: starting over is a courageous act of renewal. It’s not something to hide or to apologize for. It’s something to honor deeply.
The Sacredness of Beginning Again
Think about how nature teaches us: The moon cycles through phases of fullness and darkness every month, each phase essential for renewal. Trees shed their leaves in the fall, trusting that letting go creates room for new life. Flowers retreat into the earth during winter, not as a defeat but as preparation for the next bloom.
Yet, when we humans reach a point of shedding—relationships, jobs, identities, habits—we often carry shame, guilt, and judgment. We internalize the lie that we should have "known better," "tried harder," or somehow avoided the need for rebirth altogether.
But what if we shifted that narrative?
What if we embraced the wisdom of nature: that endings and beginnings aren’t punishments or failures but essential, sacred opportunities for growth?
Why We Feel Shame in Starting Over
Supremacy culture relies on shame to maintain control. It conditions us with perfectionism ("I must never fail"), a sense of urgency ("I must progress immediately"), and the false belief that there’s only one right way ("I should have gotten this right the first time").
These pillars instill a deep fear of starting again:
Perfectionism: Tells us that any need to reset indicates inadequacy.
Sense of Urgency: Makes us believe slowing down or restarting means falling behind.
Only One Right Way: Convinces us that deviation from a predetermined path is failure.
By unlearning these oppressive beliefs, we dismantle the shame attached to renewal.
You're already doing such brave work by exploring this conversation.
If today's reflection on dismantling shame and embracing renewal resonates deeply with you, there's so much more waiting behind this paywall—personal stories, actionable steps, journaling prompts, and guided practices to support your own courageous journey of rebirth.
Together, we're co-creating a community that celebrates authenticity over perfection, renewal over rigidity, and compassion over shame.
Join us as a paid subscriber to gain full access to this transformative exploration.
(If finances are a barrier, please reach out at Scholarships@DesireeBStephens.com for support.)