Fostering Emotional Intelligence in a Colonial World

Empowering Our Children to Navigate Emotions, Connect with Others, and Challenge Colonial Structures

Objective:

This article aims to guide parents in nurturing emotional intelligence in children to help them navigate a world still impacted by colonization. Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool for personal liberation and social change, as it helps children connect deeply with themselves and others, fostering empathy, resilience, and the ability to challenge oppressive systems.

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Introduction: Why Emotional Intelligence is Key to Liberation

In a world shaped by colonialism’s legacy—where logic, control, and dominance have been prioritized over emotions, empathy, and connection—nurturing emotional intelligence in our children becomes a revolutionary act. Emotional intelligence is not only about understanding and managing one’s emotions; it’s about cultivating empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to engage in complex human relationships.

One of the deepest impacts of colonization was the loss of our "native" languages. Language is more than a means of communication; it connects us to our emotions, our cultures, and our ancestors. When colonial powers imposed their languages, much of our ability to articulate the full range of our emotions was diminished. Many Indigenous, African, and other ancestral languages hold rich variations in how emotions are expressed—variations that do not always exist in English.

For example, in the West, we often use the word "love" to express a wide range of feelings. But in many Indigenous and non-Western languages, there are multiple words to express different types of love and emotional connections. This is just one example of how losing our native languages has also caused us to lose the complexity with which we understand and express our emotional worlds.

Additionally, colonization has separated many of us from trusting our bodies. We often feel emotions in our bodies first, but the colonial mindset encourages us to suppress or ignore those physical cues. By leaning into body awareness, we restore this lost connection and reclaim non-verbal communication as valid. Not everyone has words to express emotions, and through body awareness, we foster various communication styles that allow everyone to be seen and heard.

Key Themes: The Importance of Emotional Intelligence for Personal Liberation and Social Change

1. Leaning Into Body Awareness to Restore Trust in Ourselves:
   Before we have the words to articulate what we’re feeling, we often experience our emotions physically. The body is our first communicator, yet colonization has disconnected us from trusting our bodies and our physical responses. Teaching children to pay attention to what their body is telling them—whether through physical tension, discomfort, or sensations—allows them to reclaim that trust.

   Real-Life Example:
   In our home, we often ask, "Where do you feel that in your body?" when a child is experiencing a strong emotion. For example, if my child feels anxious, we talk about whether they feel tightness in their chest, their stomach, or maybe their hands start to shake. By naming these physical sensations, they learn to trust their body’s signals. This practice also honors the reality that not everyone has the words to describe their emotions right away. Body awareness becomes a powerful way to communicate non-verbally and allows for multiple communication styles to be valid.

2. Emotional Intelligence as a Tool for Personal Liberation:
   Emotional intelligence empowers children to understand their own emotions and regulate them in a way that promotes inner freedom. In a colonial world that values stoicism and objectivity, emotional intelligence allows children to reclaim their right to feel deeply and authentically, rather than conform to the emotionally repressed standards of supremacy culture.

   Real-Life Example:
   When one of my children becomes overwhelmed with frustration or sadness, I encourage them to lean into their emotions. We don’t ask them to suppress or hide what they feel. Instead, we talk about where in the body they are feeling that emotion and explore ways to release it—whether through hitting a punching bag, grabbing a pillow, or going outside to scream. This practice teaches them that emotional release is valid and necessary. By listening to their bodies and honoring their emotions, they learn to trust themselves and recognize that their feelings matter.

3. The Limits of Colonial Language on Emotional Expression:
   Colonial languages like English often provide a limited range of emotional expression compared to Indigenous or ancestral languages. For instance, in English, we might say "I’m sad" or "I’m angry," but other languages offer nuances that allow for a deeper, more specific expression of emotion. This loss of language can also mean a loss of connection to the depth of our feelings and a restricted understanding of the full range of our emotional experiences.

   Example of Emotional Nuance in Language:
   The Greek language, for example, has several words for "love." While English relies primarily on one word to describe different emotions—romantic, familial, platonic—Greek has specific terms:

   • Eros refers to passionate, romantic love.

   • Philia represents deep friendship or affectionate love.

   • Storge refers to familial love, the bond between parents and children.

   • Agape refers to unconditional, selfless love for all of humanity.

   These layers of meaning give greater clarity to one’s emotional state, allowing a person to articulate not just that they "love," but the type of love they are experiencing.

   Similarly, in the Xhosa language of South Africa, there is a word, "ubuntu," which expresses the interconnectedness of human beings—"I am because we are." It’s an emotion that reflects community-based compassion, which has no direct translation in English. These examples remind us of how colonial languages limit our ability to fully articulate and understand emotions in the nuanced way that our ancestors may have.

   Real-Life Application:
   In our home, we try to expand beyond the limits of English by encouraging our children to describe their emotions with metaphors or multiple descriptors. If they say, "I’m angry," we ask them to expand: "Are you frustrated? Hurt? Disappointed?" This helps them dig deeper and reflect on the complexity of what they are feeling.

4. Emotional Intelligence as a Path to Social Change:
   Emotional intelligence doesn’t just benefit the individual—it is essential for creating a more just, empathetic society. Children who understand their emotions are more likely to recognize the emotions of others, fostering empathy and compassion. This, in turn, prepares them to challenge systems of oppression, understanding that the well-being of all is interconnected.

   Real-Life Example:
   When my children witness acts of unfairness—whether in their friendships or in larger societal systems—we reflect on how it feels to see someone being mistreated. We then talk about how those emotions can be used as fuel for standing up for what is right. By helping them connect their emotional responses to action, I am nurturing their ability to empathize with others and take a stand against injustice.

Invitation to support the work:

As we continue this powerful journey of decolonizing our parenting practices and fostering emotional intelligence in our children, I invite you to take the next step by joining the Supernova Parenting Summit. This summit will dive deeper into the strategies we’ve discussed, offering tools, community, and real-time support for parents committed to raising liberated, empathetic, and empowered children.

To continue providing accessible resources for everyone, I’m also inviting you to become a paid subscriber to help create equity in education. My goal is to reach 1,000 paid subscribers, and I’m currently at 82. Each subscription helps fund scholarships and ensures that valuable educational tools remain accessible to those who need them most. Together, we can create a more just and equitable world, starting with our families.

Also, you can download my ebook, (pay what you can) where I explore the 15 pillars of supremacy culture and how dismantling these pillars can transform the way we parent, educate, and live.

Let’s keep building this community and support one another in creating liberated spaces for our children and ourselves.

Practical Strategies: Exercises to Recognize and Manage Emotions

To nurture emotional intelligence in children, it’s essential to challenge two key pillars of supremacy culture: Objectivityand Either/Or Thinking. These pillars uphold the false dichotomy between rationality and emotions, promoting the belief that emotions are irrational, dangerous, or irrelevant.

1. Challenging Objectivity: Reclaiming Emotions as Valid Forms of Knowledge

In a colonial world, the pillar of Objectivity teaches that emotions are less valid than “rational” thought. It separates the mind from the body, creating a false hierarchy that privileges reason over feeling. To foster emotional intelligence, we must teach our children that emotions are valid sources of information and part of their whole self.

Strategy:
Encourage your child to check in with their emotions regularly, just as they would check in with their thoughts. Ask questions like, “What is your body telling you right now?” or “What do you feel when you think about this situation?” By recognizing that emotions provide valuable insights, we can help children understand that emotional intelligence is just as important as intellectual intelligence.

Real-Life Example:
In our home, I ask my children to pause and reflect on their emotional states throughout the day. Before bed, we have a practice of asking, “How did you feel today?” and “What was your body trying to tell you in that moment?” This allows them to connect with their emotions and view them as part of their decision-making process.

2. Challenging Either/Or Thinking: Embracing Complexity in Emotions

Either/Or Thinking creates the illusion that emotions must be black and white—good or bad, right or wrong. This binary thinking is a hallmark of colonialism, simplifying complex emotional experiences into oversimplified categories. To foster emotional intelligence, we must help our children embrace the complexity of their emotions and understand that they can feel multiple things at once.

Strategy:
Create space for children to experience mixed emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to feel happy and sad, angry and grateful, or excited and nervous all at once. Use language that acknowledges these complexities, and avoid reducing their emotional experiences to a single feeling.

Real-Life Example:
One of my children recently experienced a situation where they were both excited about a new opportunity but also scared of the changes it would bring. Instead of dismissing their fear, we talked about how it’s okay to feel conflicting emotionsat the same time. By honoring both feelings, I helped them see that emotions are nuanced and can coexist without needing to “solve” or erase one over the other.

Conclusion: Emotional Liberation as the Foundation for Social Change

Fostering emotional intelligence in children is not only a tool for personal growth—it is a pathway to social change. By challenging the colonial pillars of Objectivity and Either/Or Thinking, we create space for our children to feel deeply, think critically, and act empathetically in a world that desperately needs their compassion and leadership.

As parents, we have the power to nurture emotionally intelligent children who will grow into adults capable of navigating the complexities of their emotions while standing up against oppression. Through these practices, we are raising a generation that will use emotional awareness not just for personal liberation but for the collective liberation of all.

Let’s continue on this journey together as we decolonize parenting and create environments where our children are free to express, feel, and thrive.

Exercises to Build Emotional Intelligence in Children

Here are some practical exercises to help your child develop emotional intelligence, challenge colonial narratives of emotional suppression, and foster liberation through emotional awareness:

1. Emotion Check-Ins:
   Make emotion check-ins a regular part of your routine. Ask your child, “How are you feeling right now?” and help them name their emotions. Teach them that emotions are dynamic, and they don’t have to feel just one thing at a time.

2. Body Awareness Exercises:
   Help your child connect their emotions to their physical sensations. When they’re feeling an intense emotion, ask them to describe where they feel it in their body. This teaches them to recognize the connection between emotional and physical well-being.

3. Emotion-Based Storytelling:
   Encourage your child to tell a story about their day, focusing on the emotions they felt rather than just the events. This exercise helps children reflect on how their emotions shape their experiences and decisions.

4. Creating Safe Spaces for Emotional Expression:
   Give your child a safe space to express their emotions fully. Whether it’s a designated place to scream, hit a pillow, or write out their feelings, this gives them the opportunity to release emotions in a way that honors their experience without judgment.

Reflective Questions for Parents: Building Emotional Intelligence in Your Home

1. How do you currently respond to your child’s emotions, and how can you create more space for emotional complexity?

2. In what ways have you internalized the colonial narrative that emotions are secondary to logic, and how can you shift this perspective in your parenting?

3. How do you model emotional intelligence in your own life, and how can you invite your child to reflect on their emotional experiences more openly?

4. What spaces can you create in your home or community that allow your child to express and release emotions safely?

In solidarity and healing,

Desireé B Stephens