From Love, Not For Love: A Winter Journey of Reflection and Liberation

Exploring the Transformative Power of Grief, Healing, and Authentic Love

Am I Doing This For Love or From Love? A Season of Self (Reflection)

Winter, with its stillness and quiet, is an invitation to slow down and turn inward. For many, this season is not just a time of reflection but a confrontation with grief—grief for what has been lost, what remains unhealed, and what continues to weigh on us. It asks us to sit with ourselves in ways that the busyness of other seasons often allows us to avoid. As we settle into this Season of Self, let’s explore a profound and personal question: Am I doing this for love or from love?

At first glance, the difference may seem subtle, but its implications are profound. Doing something for love often implies striving, seeking, and proving—an endless effort to earn validation or approval. It is a pattern deeply tied to the wounds of trauma, where love feels conditional, scarce, and transactional. In contrast, doing something from love stems from a place of abundance, authenticity, and deep alignment. It is love as a wellspring, a source within us that fuels our actions and restores us.

This distinction is not just intellectual; it is embodied. It lives in the spaces where we’ve been taught that love must be earned and in the moments where we decide to challenge that belief.

I first posed this question on my personal Facebook around 2015, during a period of deep introspection. At the time, I was questioning my relationships, friendships, and the intimate spaces I occupied—including my relationship with myself. I often tell people that in a society structured on binaries, like the either/or pillar of supremacy culture, we are often left with two primary modes of activation: fear or love.

This question invites us to explore the difference. When we operate from love—the love of self, the love from community, the love so deeply rooted in spirit (or your higher power)—our modus operandi (MO) is profoundly transformed. We move with fullness, authenticity, and alignment. However, arriving at this baseline of love is not an automatic process. It requires deep shadow work, healing, pruning, and a willingness to question both our own motives and the intentions of others.

This is not easy work. It asks us to sit with discomfort, to unearth patterns and stories that no longer serve us, and to allow space for transformation. Yet it is in this process that we begin to understand what it means to truly act from love, rather than for it. This reflection offers an opportunity to look inward and realign, asking ourselves the questions that guide us toward liberation.

Recognizing the "For Love" Mindset

Supremacy culture teaches us that our worth is tied to our productivity, achievements, and the approval of others. For many of us, this conditioning manifests in the belief that love must be earned. This mindset is especially insidious for those living with trauma, as it reinforces cycles of guilt, self-doubt, and striving. You might hear its voice in statements like:

• "If I do this, they’ll finally see my worth."

• "I can’t rest until everyone else is happy."

• "Maybe if I achieve this, I’ll feel enough."