Mother’s Day in the In-Between:
Holding Joy, Grief, and the Body That Carries Both
Mother’s Day arrives the same way every year.
Bright. Loud. Certain of itself.
And yet, for you… (and me) it may not feel certain at all.
It may feel like standing in the doorway between worlds.
One hand holding what has been.
One hand reaching toward what still aches to be.
And your body… tasked with carrying both.
This year, I want to speak to you from that place.
Not from the version of Mother’s Day that is easy to package.
But from the lived reality of it.
Because I am now years into a truth that many don’t talk about out loud:
Three years separated from my husband.
Five years estranged from the child that made me a mother.
Twenty-one years removed from my first marriage.
Seventeen years without my own mother here in the physical.
And still… I am mother.
Still… I am daughter.
Still… I am becoming.
That is the tension.
That is the truth.
And that is where healing actually lives.
Somatic Pause
Before you keep reading, take a breath.
Not the kind of breath that asks you to calm down before you are ready.
The kind of breath that simply reminds your body:I am here.
Place one hand somewhere steady.
Your chest.
Your belly.
Your thigh.
The arm of the chair beneath you.Let your eyes soften.
Notice what this brought up in you.
A name.
A memory.
A child.
A mother.
An absence.
A version of yourself you have been trying to hold together.You do not have to fix any of it right now.
Just notice.
Let your body know:
Multiple truths can exist here.
Joy and grief can breathe in the same room.
I do not have to abandon myself to make this day easier for anyone else.Take one more breath.
Then return when you are ready.
The Myth of a Singular Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day was never built to hold complexity.
It was built to celebrate a very specific story.
One that assumes proximity.
Harmony.
Visibility.
Recognition.
But your life… like mine… may not fit inside that narrative.
You may be grieving someone who is still alive.
You may be celebrating while carrying absence.
You may be mothering in ways no one acknowledges.
You may be estranged, separated, healing, rebuilding, remembering.
And what I want you to know is this:
Nothing about your experience is outside of what motherhood actually is.
Motherhood is not just presence.
It is imprint.
It is rupture.
It is memory.
It is the body (re)membering what it has held… and what it still longs to hold.
A Gift and an Invitation
This piece is being offered to you freely.
As a gift.
Because days like this deserve to be met with care, not restriction.
And also…
If this work has held you
if it has supported you
if you find yourself returning here
I invite you to consider becoming a paid subscriber.
Your support sustains this work,
allows me to continue creating spaces like this,
and helps make it possible to offer scholarships
to those who need access but may not have the resources.
Scholarships are always available at:
scholarships@desireebstephens.com
You Are Still Mother
Let this land where it needs to.
You are still mother.
Not because of proximity.
Not because of a title someone else affirms.
Not because of a role that stayed intact.
But because mother is an energy.
It is a way of moving through this world.
A way of tending.
A way of witnessing.
A way of holding life with care, even when your own hands feel empty.
You are still mother
when you co-parent across distance, across tension, across new realities.
You are still mother
when your children are held by community and you are part of that web, even if you are not the center of it.
You are still mother
when your body has held the possibility of life, even if it never formed into a child you could touch.
You are still mother
when loss has lived in your womb, in your body, in your story.
You are still mother
when the language around you has shifted, when woman may not be your title, but care, creation, and holding are still your truth.
You are still mother
when you have become the one who tends to yourself, re-parents yourself, holds your own inner child through what was not given.
You are still mother
when you no longer have a mother of your own, and you must now carry both the longing and the lineage.
You are still mother
in step, in foster, in chosen family, in auntie, in elder, in guide.
You are still mother
in the quiet ways no one celebrates.
Because motherhood was never meant to be confined to biology or proximity.
It is an imprint.
An energy.
A relational way of being.
And nothing about your current reality
removes you from that truth.
If anything, it deepens it.
The Body Does Not Do Binaries
You can feel joy and grief at the same time.
Not as opposites.
But as truths that coexist in the same nervous system.
This is where we begin in the work.
Not by choosing one feeling over another.
Not by forcing gratitude or bypassing pain.
But by allowing your body to tell the truth.
Because your body does not lie.
It holds:
The joy of loving deeply.
The grief of what is no longer accessible.
The ache of disconnection.
The pride of who you have become.
The longing for repair.
The relief of distance where harm once lived.
All of it.
And none of it cancels the other out.
What the Liberation Method™ Offers Here
This is House One work.
Awareness.
Not fixing.
Not forcing.
Not rushing to resolution.
Just seeing clearly.
Naming the pattern.
And one of the patterns many of us have inherited around days like this is the pressure to perform a singular emotion.
To be grateful.
To be joyful.
To be whole in a way that erases fragmentation.
But fragmentation is not failure.
It is information.
So instead of asking yourself
“Why can’t I just enjoy this day?”
What if you asked:
What is here that needs to be witnessed?
What is my body trying to hold without support?
Where am I overriding my own truth to make others comfortable?
That is the shift.
This moment you are in right now…
is not random.
It lives inside a pattern.
And it also holds the possibility of something new.
The Liberation Method™ gives you a way to move through both.
Not by skipping ahead.
Not by forcing healing.
But by moving in a way your body can actually stay with.
1. Awareness — Seeing Clearly
This is where you begin.
Not by changing anything.
Just by noticing.
What is present in your body right now?
Is there tightness?
Heaviness?
A pull toward joy?
A resistance to it?
This is awareness.
You are mapping your nervous system.
You are noticing the imprint of your experiences.
And you are beginning to name the pattern.
Maybe it sounds like:
I have to perform joy.
I have to show up no matter what.
I have to hide what hurts.
Nothing has changed yet.
But everything has shifted.
Because now… you can see.
2. Transmutation — Interrupting the Pattern
Once you can see the pattern,
you are no longer trapped inside of it in the same way.
Now you have a moment.
A choice point.
This is where transmutation lives.
Not in big, dramatic change.
But in small, embodied interruption.
If the pattern says
perform for others
You might respond with
pause and check in with myself
If the pattern says
override your feelings
You might respond with
name what is actually here
If the pattern says
keep going
You might respond with
rest, even briefly
You are not erasing the pattern.
You are creating a new pathway alongside it.
3. Embodied Practice — Living It
Now this becomes something you live.
Not perfectly.
Not all day.
But in moments.
This is where the LIBERATE Framework™ supports you:
You Learn what shows up.
You Integrate what your body is feeling.
You Build small supports around yourself.
You Empower your truth to exist.
You Reclaim your right to define this day.
You Act in alignment, even in one small way.
You Transform through repetition, not force.
You Envision something different becoming possible.
This is not a checklist.
It is a rhythm you return to.
4. Transmission — What You Carry Forward
And then… something subtle happens.
The way you moved through this day
does not end with this day.
It becomes something you carry.
When you allow yourself to feel fully,
you shift what gets passed down.
When you choose truth over performance,
you interrupt generational patterns.
When you hold both joy and grief without abandoning yourself,
you create a different possibility for everyone connected to you.
This is transmission.
Not what you say.
But how you live.
You do not have to move through all of this perfectly.
You do not have to get it right.
You just have to stay with yourself
as you move from awareness…
to embodiment…
to what you carry forward.
That is the work.
That is the method.
And today… this is enough.
Motherhood Beyond Proximity
There is a version of motherhood that the world does not celebrate enough.
The kind that exists without daily contact.
Without recognition.
Without the traditional markers of success.
And yet…
You are still mother.
Because motherhood is not just defined by access.
It is defined by imprint.
By the ways you have shaped life.
By the ways life has shaped you.
By the love that exists even when it cannot be expressed in the ways you wish it could be.
That love does not disappear.
It transforms.
Sometimes into grief.
Sometimes into boundaries.
Sometimes into distance that is necessary for survival.
But it is still love.
Even in its most complicated forms.
The Space Between Estrangement and Healing
Estrangement is a word that carries so much weight.
But underneath it is often something even more tender:
A break in connection that the body still remembers.
And healing does not mean rushing to repair.
It means becoming resourced enough to hold the truth of what is.
Sometimes healing looks like reconnection.
Sometimes it looks like acceptance.
Sometimes it looks like choosing yourself in a way you were never taught you could.
And on days like Mother’s Day…
That choice can feel especially loud.
Because the world is telling you to lean in.
While your body may be telling you to step back.
Both can be valid.
Honoring the Mother You Lost
Seventeen years without my mother has taught me something I could not have understood in the beginning.
Grief changes shape.
It softens in some places.
Sharpens in others.
But it never fully leaves.
It integrates.
There are moments where I hear her in my voice.
See her in my choices.
Feel her in the way I mother, even now.
And there are moments where the absence is so loud it feels like it just happened.
Both are true.
Legacy is not something we visit once a year.
It is something we live.
And on this day, honoring her is not about recreating what was.
It is about recognizing what still is.
In me.
Through me.
Because of her.
Practice Your Praxis
You do not need a perfect plan for today.
You need a way to stay with yourself.
Here are a few ways to move through this day in a way that honors your body:
Self
Pause and notice what is present without labeling it good or bad.
Place a hand on your body and ask: what do I need right now?
Let the answer be simple.
Home
Create a small ritual that reflects your truth.
Light a candle.
Play a song.
Write a letter you do not have to send.
Let your home hold your full story.
Work / Community
Communicate your capacity.
You do not owe performance today.
You are allowed to opt out, step back, or show up differently.
A Different Kind of Celebration
What if Mother’s Day was not about meeting an expectation…
But about meeting yourself?
Not the curated version.
Not the version that makes others comfortable.
But the real one.
The one carrying years of love, loss, growth, rupture, and becoming.
That is worth honoring.
That is worth witnessing.
That is worth celebrating.
Closing
You are not doing this wrong.
There is nothing broken about feeling deeply.
There is nothing incorrect about holding multiple truths.
This day is not asking you to choose joy over grief.
It is asking you to allow both to exist without abandoning yourself.
That is the work.
That is the practice.
That is liberation.
And this…
This is just the beginning.
House One.
In awareness, you begin to see.
If You Are Feeling This…
If something in you is recognizing yourself here…
Not just in the words
but in your body
The tension
The grief
The quiet knowing that there is more to be met
I want you to know…
There is a space for that.
Not to fix it.
Not to rush it.
But to hold it.
The Liberation Journey™
This work you are touching right now…
is the beginning.
Awareness.
But the truth is, this kind of work was never meant to be done in isolation
or in a single day of reflection.
It is something you enter.
And stay with.
And return to.
Over time.
The Liberation Journey™ is a nine-month immersion.
A container.
Not something you complete.
Something you are held inside of.
Because healing like this…
the kind that lets you hold joy and grief without abandoning yourself…
requires time.
Requires relationship.
Requires a space that does not rush you past what is real.
This Is Not a Program You Finish
This is a relational container.
You enter alongside others who are also choosing to stay with themselves.
Not for a moment.
But across seasons
We begin in the fall.
In the season of descent.
When the world itself is letting go
slowing down
turning inward
So you are not moving against the season…
you are moving with it.
Together, we move through:
House One — Awareness
What you carry, named.
House Two — Practice
What you carry, met in the body.
House Three — Relationship
What you carry, held with others.
This is the work you touched in this piece…
lived.
In real time
What Is Held With You
Live sessions where you are not performing
but being met
A private, held community space
not noise, not overwhelm… a room you can return to
Your pathway moving with you
not a one-size-fits-all process
Somatic practices rooted in Self, Home, and Work
because your body is where the truth lives
Facilitation that is slow, trauma-aware, and relational
because you deserve to be held, not pushed
Who This Is For
You are not looking for more information.
You are ready for practice.
You are ready to stop doing this alone.
You understand that liberation is not fast…
and you are willing to move at the pace your body can stay with.
Entering the Container
This is a nine-month commitment to staying with yourself.
An investment of $3,333
with multiple ways (payment plans and scholarships) to hold that cost in a way that supports your capacity.
And also…
You can leave at any time.
Because even here…
your autonomy matters.
A Soft Invitation
If today brought something up in you…
If you felt the truth of holding multiple realities at once…
If you know this is not something you want to keep navigating alone…
This is your invitation.
Not to rush.
Not to decide immediately.
But to feel into what it would mean
to be held in this work over time.
If you feel ready…
Enter the container:
https://desireebstephens.com/signature-series
You do not have to carry this by yourself.
You were never meant to mother alone.
Not your children.
Not your grief.
Not yourself.
And when you are ready…
there is a space waiting to hold you.
Happy Mother’s Day
to all of the mothers
in all of your forms
and all of your becoming.
Desireé B. Stephens
Educator | Counselor | Community Builder
Founder, Make Shi(f)t Happen
Writer of Liberation Education
Steward of Selenite & Sage Healing Homestead Co.
Where Reflection Meets Transformation
Perhaps that is why emotions always outrun language whenever we try to explain a mother.
Respect, gratitude, and love to all mothers — and to every woman whose unseen strength continues holding humanity together.
Enduring.
🇨🇦 www.salmiinconversation.com
🇨🇦 salmizindagi.substack.com