Ode to an Irish Mother

In honor of my mom, Bridget Erin Theresa Healy Ordway

Legacy is so often seen as the echo of achievements, but it’s more than that. It’s the mark left in the lives we touch, the silent impact carried in every unspoken bond, and the small, uncelebrated act of care. My mother, Bridget Erin Theresa Healy Ordway, daughter of Sarah McSherry and Andrew Healy of Co. Sligo Ireland embodied that kind of legacy. She was a force, a rebel, an activist, a dreamer, and, yes, a mother—all these things, tangled and complex, unapologetically whole. Bridget understood that no one is ever just one thing, that we are multitudes, layered and infinite. And her life, her whole self, taught me to embrace that truth.

There are pieces of her woven into me, fragments of her spirit that live on as reminders of her fierce love and her rebellious heart. She was part of the Rainbow Coalition in the South Bronx in the ’80s, fighting for justice when it seemed just out of reach, and part of the Merrimack Valley AIDS Project, giving herself over to causes that others turned away from. And she was part of me—setting me on my path from the beginning, from working with the Gay and Lesbian community center, The first AIDs quilt, or Health Outreach to Teens as young as 14, even when I was a whole juvenile delinquent she was shaping me into someone who wouldn’t back down from the hard truths, from the uncomfortable work of living and loving fully.

Bridget was not a woman to follow the rules simply because they existed. She was bold and flawed, fully human, fully alive. Watching her, I learned that love could be fierce, that purpose doesn’t come easily, and that resilience is built not in perfection but in rising, over and over. She didn’t have to tell me; she showed me, living by example, even when her spirit wrestled with the contradictions of being both tender and unyielding, abuser and abusee, woman and mother. She was a warrior and a nurturer. She was fallible and yet wise in ways that only someone who has known both love and loss could be.

She is the reason I write. I remember the sound of her typewriter, each key a percussion of determination, each piece she typed a small rebellion against the silence that society imposed. When I was young, she filled our home with words and stories, with notebooks tucked in every corner, carrying a type of wisdom that I now know was rare. She encouraged my writing, my reading of everything I can get a hold of, (she was a huge fan of the thesaurus which was a daily must for me before I even hot double digits) celebrated my wins, and when I told her all I wanted was to be quoted, she gifted me this thick book of quotes from others, smiling and saying, “One day, you’ll be in here.” It was her way of telling me that my voice mattered, that words have power, and that one day, maybe even long after I’m gone, they’ll echo like hers do now for me, and because of YOU all, they are doing just that. Thank each of you for bringing forth my morhers manifestations and my deepest youthful desires. CELEBRATE!!

Her life was a testament to the richness of the human experience—a complex journey filled with love, contradictions, reconciliation, and ultimately, forgiveness. There were rocky times, difficult chapters, and unresolved stories. But that’s the truth of life, isn’t it? We’re not here to be perfect; we’re here to be whole. And in her final years, Bridget lived into that wholeness. I witnessed her mend fences, reach out across divides, and make peace with family, with herself, and with the journey that brought her here. In the months before her passing, she began reaching out—calling loved ones, and mending relationships that had weathered storms.

This is legacy—this relentless effort toward love and healing. It’s generational wealth, this sense of wholeness and belonging, passed down not in materials but in spirit, in the courage to love fully and to embrace all of oneself, flaws and all. I am the continuation of that legacy, her spirit threading through my work, my words, my very being. I am, in many ways, my mother’s wildest dreams realized, and in carrying forward her work, I honor the multitudes she held. We are all so much more than meets the eye, more than the binaries or labels that might be applied to us.

So today, I stand here, with all the complexity, the messiness, and the beauty of the human experience alive within me, grateful for every facet of who she was. Her life was a beacon, a reminder that legacy is something we live, not something we leave. It’s the courage to be a multitude, to hold many truths, to grow and love and hurt and heal. Here’s to Bridget, my mother, who was never just one thing and who taught me I never had to be either.

My FB post on the day.

Today I have been blessed to see the true meaning of Until Death do us part. Two souls brought together, loved beyond measure, dared the impossible, they loved with no fear, fought all the odds and smiled at the tragedy that life sometimes brings. Today our family lost A mother, a grandmother, a sister an A ant and a father of the same please keep us in prayer. RIP Mom and Sherman

My FB post one year from the day.

Today is just that day...I use this almost as my new year... I ask questions of myself like what have you done since this time last year or what could you do etc etc today I always reflect on what stuff could I tell my mom to make her proud if I just had one more call...

A poem I wrote the day after.

Motherless Child

Today begins a new begining, she is up and the air does not smell the same.

There is a silence in the air that does not bring comfort, but allows her to know that emptiness is near and dear.

She rises, she places her foot upon the cool damp floor and rises, the motherless child. Unable to lean on her fatrher for strength, for she is an orphan, there is no one left.

Cool bathroom water splashed on face like the cold reality that has now penetrated and become her truth. She is gone Can't pick up the phone and say "hey Ma I was wondering" So now what?

She fumbles in the dark, searching for something! Unsure of what. This is indicitive to her life in this moment.

She lays back down next to a child of her own, knowing there is no way to take away her pain. Faced with mortality she thinks to a time where one day that child will need to do the same.

The only solace for the motherless child it that God is her comforter and only he can heal this open wound.

She lays back head on pillow trying to rerun the sound of her moms voice on the last conversation which (it rings in her ears loudly) is now THE LAST CONVERSATION

Taken for granted.... no it was a good chat, making plans for Christmas, but now that seems so far away.

Tired now, she longs to lay in the comfort of the arms of the one that loves her and never changes, he has always been there, never faltered, never judged and always loved.

The motherless child lays down and begs the comfort of God

(c)2009 Desiree B Lawrence

RIP Bridget Erin Theresa Healy Ordway My mother

Written Nov 11th 2014

When I was younger I wanted to be NOTHING like my mother Bridget , I did my best to set myself apart from her and her ways...

As I got older I realized her story,the one we keep locked up inside that no one especially our children knows, the stories of happiness, abuse, disappointments, illness, defeat, spirituality all of these things that made my mom a PERSON, a WOMAN an actual HUMAN being.

It was then I realized that though I may never want to do some of the things she did I was proud to be a product of her.

Her actions were merely a symptom of her own experiences and learning curve, they were not WHO she was. Who she was was a woman who even through years of physical abuse found a way to smile in the morning and sing through the pain, even during endless years of poverty was able to make arts and crafts and create memories that will remain forever, even when becoming terminally ill went on to complete her education, live her dreams and fall in love as if she'd never been hurt.

There was so much more to her then the bullshit I wanted to avoid.... I'm glad I realized in time but I wish I had more time to live in that realization.... However we are here and in her memory I will honor her spirit.

I am beyond proud to embody her strength, here fearlessness and her utter belief in starting over and over agin in spite of what it looks like.... Yes Ma things are going to get easier thank you and I love you always

Singing ooooo child things are gonna get easier oooo child thing will get brighter, just like when I was little with you.

(Here is the song from my Ma to me and I to the collective: OOO Child)

A Blog post I wrote during my Pastoral times on my Dare I Say God blog:

Hello all,

In keeping with this months theme we will discuss obedience. Some of you may  know that on last week my mother and step father were killed in a tragic car accident. This has led me to lean to God more than ever before for comfort, understanding and guidance. So as I was here on the eve of the funeral it was placed on me to write about how important it is to be obedient in life, so that you may obtain peace, even when faced with death.

We as people hold on to many a feeling, thought or idea of someone, something or someplace. Many a time we never think to how fleeting the moment truly is. When we lose a loved one, it is in that moment we realize just how precious time really is. We go down lists of things we should have said, could have done and would want to do if they were here. Though all of these feelings and emotions are valid, there is nothing to be gained in death of these thoughts. The God we serve is a living God and does not dwell in death, darkness, or yesterdays. He is a God of better tomorrows, forgiveness and love.

During this time of reflection I was able to have imparted on me a great sense of understanding and acceptance, now this does not mean that in the natural I do not feel some anger, resentment and grief all of these things are true of me too. I honor those feelings and know that they are of this world and in order to gain true understanding I must not lean to my own because divine I am not and ony He who is on high does understand. However when we ask for wisdom he imparts it on us freely and abundantly, so ask I did.

What I came up with, was simply this, in order to live  eternally we must obey here on this plane first. We must be willing to be living sacrifices to God and his will, even when we do not agree with his choices. I know some may think this is impossible and often times we wonder what good it will do or if it is truly real. All of these things are valid, but remember to live in faith you must know that faith is substance of things hoped for and evidence of things unseen. What this alone tells us is we must strive and hope even when it is dark, even when you can not understand, continue to hope for it will come to pass.

So you may say, " well fine, but what does this have to do with living right in order to die well?". Well here is what I have to say about that. Now I have never been on the other side to hear "well done my faithful servant" , but I do know that we all do or should strive to hear those words. However I have been blessed, and I say blessed because the bible tells me Mat 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted to see how obedience to God can heal those about to go into transition and those who are left behind to mourn the transition. In order to give you an example I have to give you background.

Some of you that read this did know my mother and knew her well, at least the Bridget she had grown to become. This was not always the woman that I knew. I was fortunate to watch her grow and change and morph into this woman that so many people are now here to mourn, but I would be remiss in this word if I did not say truthfully had this been a few years ago I am not sure the outpour would be the same.

This is not being cruel or vindictive I am simply stating the truth.Even with her tremendous growth and work with the outside world in many ways my mother was not obedient. She clung to her outreach and volunteer work and so many outside projects, but just could not get it right at home. She did meet a wonderful man who loved her instantly and they wed and he was wonderful to her. He loved her in spite of all flaws, any drama and was truly a wonderful caring person. For this we were all grateful.

However there was always a bit of darkness that loomed over head. I would like to think that the reason the world was able to receive such a beautiful soul was because she placed all of her energy into getting it right somewhere but just could not with family.

There were plenty of ups and downs like any other family but sometimes the wounds were deep and there was never enough salve to heal. This made for rocky times as it does with all families. I am not here to tell you everything was always rosy I am here to tell you that obedience is the only way to live.  Some of you know that my mom could have been gone a long time ago, she had battled with sickness, multiple car wrecks, abusive relationships and so much more and overcame every obstacle.

Still she had a purpose, God wanted her to get it right and in his mercy he allowed her time to do so.  You may be wondering what the point may be or what I am getting at so i will try to tell you.

Very recently there were familial problems like all families and my mother and I would go back and forth discussing loving and forgiveness and so many other things, she was my biggest fan of Dare I Say God LOL somehow the word penetrated and amends she began to make.

Upon my visit here last summer we had a wonderful healing, forgiving time,she and Sherman even traipsed all the way to NY to visit with Jaide their grand daughter just to have pizza LOL (fence Mended) My sister Andrea was here for her birthday and they made dinner and colored her hair and she said it was the best birthday she had in years. (fence mended) her sister Mary and her were building a relationship after years of estrangement they began their closeness,(fence mended) My cousin Kristen and her were not speaking and just two weeks ago she spoke to her apologized and was blessed to see her great niece and share her homemade cap (fence mended)even on the day of her death she called her Big sister Deidre who was close with her her whole life but were not speaking and said we are sisters and I love you let's forget about this (fence mended.) Now if that is not God at work I do not know what is. I am so glad to have a God that goes before us and knows our end before we begin it.

Maybe now you can see why it is so important ot live obediently, we must be quick to forgive, to love, to care for those around us because you never know when is the last moment. You see what my mom left behind was not feelings of regret, sadness and misery, but a sense of love, forgiveness and understanding, She finally got it right through her submission and obedience to Gods word and will, and I am sure she heard "well done my good and faithful servant." This is the legacy that she leaves with her family, that forgiveness is just on the tip of your togune and time is nipping at our heels. We must get it right because it is never promised.

We must always remember that the race is not given to the swift but to the steady. So though there may be times where we all fall down and weaken to the pressure, this is a moment, be steady in your love, be steady in your understanding, be steady in your forgiveness, but most of all be steady in your pursuit of Gods will and you will never go wrong, you will always come out on top.

Here is to my mother, a women who was always steady in her pursuit of being better, a better friend, a better case worker, a better wife, a better sister, a better Aunt, a better Grand Mother and mostly a better Mother and a better woman she was, here is to the man that found a good thing in her and loved her truly. May they rest in peace eternally and may we all take a lesson and be obediant when God speaks to us.

Until next time

Dare I Say ... God

Conclusion:

In the end, to see someone w(holy)—beyond their choices, actions, or even a lifetime of contradictions—is the most profound act of love we can offer. My mother’s life was a testament to the possibility of growth and repair, to the beauty of holding multiple truths without needing one to define the whole. She showed me that no single choice or action ever encompasses who we are; rather, it’s in our willingness to embrace complexity, to be uncomfortable, and to listen with open hearts that we find real connection and understanding.

Bridget’s journey wasn’t easy, nor was it perfect, but it was whole. And it was that wholeness—the raw, sometimes uncomfortable truth of it—that has taught me to see beyond the surface, to forgive, to grow, and to love more fully. Legacy, after all, isn’t about preserving an image; it’s about honoring the realness of a person, the struggles, the triumphs, and the quiet moments of grace. It’s about finding the courage to hold all the layers, the beauty and the contradictions, with the same compassion we wish for ourselves.

So here’s to my wild Irish mother, to her unapologetic complexity, her resilience, and her love. May we all strive to see each other in this way—not as pieces, but as the whole, layered beings we are. And may we carry forward her legacy by daring to live as multitudes, allowing space for repair, transformation, and the unending possibility of healing.

In love and healing,

Desireé B Stephens

Educator | Counselor | Community Builder

Founder of Make Shi(f)t Happen