Today on Let's Have the Conversation, Dr. Kimberly Douglass and I dive into the intricate and evolving concept of Black masculinity. We discuss its impact on younger generations, the influence of societal constructs, and the urgent need for redefining what masculinity looks like, especially for Black men who are navigating disability, queerness, and neurodivergence. Together, we explore the importance of communal parenting, the distortion of masculinity conversations in the media, and how decolonization is essential to fostering healthier models of masculinity.
The Evolution of Black Masculinity
Throughout history, Black masculinity has been heavily influenced by societal pressures, often confined to rigid stereotypes rooted in white cis, Christian, patriarchal constructs. Dr. Douglass and I discussed how these narrow definitions of masculinity fail to capture the realities of being a Black man in a society built on oppressive norms. Instead, these definitions force Black men into a mold that strips away their vulnerability, emotional expression, and humanity.
One of the critical points we discussed was the generational shift in how masculinity is viewed. Dr. Douglass shared her insights on how Black masculinity is constantly being negotiated within different generations. What may have been considered masculine for her father-in-law, husband, and son varied drastically due to the changing socio-political landscape. This negotiation of identity is crucial in understanding how Black men navigate societal pressures while trying to define themselves outside the colonial gaze.
Challenging Societal Constructs
Our conversation also explored how disability, queerness, and neurodivergence intersect with Black masculinity. For too long, masculinity has been portrayed as a monolithic experience, often excluding those who don't fit traditional or able-bodied stereotypes. Dr. Douglass and I emphasized the need to broaden the conversation around masculinity to include all Black men—those who are queer, disabled, neurodivergent, and those who don't fit within the narrow confines of societal norms.
We delved into the harms of toxic masculinity, which prioritizes dominance and emotional suppression. This toxicity not only affects Black men but also their families and communities. It perpetuates harmful ideals of what it means to be a man, rooted in white patriarchal supremacy. These ideals harm Black men first, leaving little room for emotional safety or communal vulnerability.
The Role of Communal Parenting
As a mother of a Black son, communal parenting is a foundational aspect of how I approach raising him. In our conversation, I shared how critical it is for my son to have a community of diverse role models—Black men who embody various expressions of masculinity. It’s about showing him that strength can be rooted in emotional intelligence, compassion, and care, not just in physical dominance or stoicism.
Dr. Douglass and I explored how the nuclear family structure, as promoted by colonial systems, is not the most beneficial model for Black families. Our ancestors thrived in communal, matriarchal, and tribal settings, and it’s essential to return to these roots in order to foster a healthier and more expansive sense of self and community. By curating spaces where Black men can witness healthy male relationships, we allow them to experience a more well-rounded version of masculinity.
Decolonizing Masculinity
Central to this discussion was the urgent need for decolonization. Black masculinity is often distorted because it’s measured by standards created by white, cis, Christian patriarchy. These standards do not—and cannot—account for the complexities of Black male experiences. It’s time to deconstruct and redefine masculinity in ways that honor the fullness of Black men’s humanity, rather than reduce it to oppressive constructs.
We need to foster environments where Black men can unlearn the toxic behaviors passed down through generations, and this requires a collective effort. As we discussed, it’s about holding each other accountable—calling out violence when it arises, but doing so from a place of love and community care.
The Power of Alternative Education
As part of my continued work with Erin’s Place, I’m committed to creating curricula that reflect these decolonized principles. Dr. Douglass and I touched on how alternative education, particularly for neurodivergent and marginalized students, can be a space for healing and growth. By integrating media literacy, critical thinking, and a decolonial framework, we can help young Black boys and all students unlearn harmful societal narratives about masculinity and foster more inclusive, liberating definitions.
Education should not simply teach compliance or uphold outdated gender norms. Instead, it should empower students to explore their identities, question systems of oppression, and embrace the full spectrum of who they are—whether that’s within masculinity, femininity, or something beyond those binaries.
The Path Forward
As Dr. Douglass and I wrapped up our conversation, it became clear that the work to redefine Black masculinity is ongoing. It involves not just deconstructing toxic ideals but also reconstructing new, healthier frameworks. The process requires communal support, intentional parenting, and a deep commitment to liberation.
This work can’t just be done in individual households—it must be done within our communities, through schools, through media, and through conversations that challenge the status quo. We can no longer allow the white, cis, Christian, patriarical constructs to dictate what it means to be a Black man, woman, or person. It’s time to take back the narrative and foster environments where Black men can thrive as their whole selves.
As we continue to do this work, I invite you to reflect on how you can redefine masculinity in your life, whether you’re a parent, educator, community leader, or simply someone seeking a more just and equitable world. Let’s embrace the fullness of who we are and, in doing so, build a future where all our children can grow up free.
Here are 3 actionable steps to help reimagine and redefine Black masculinity:
1. Encourage Emotional Intelligence and Vulnerability
Historically, Black men have been expected to embody strength through stoicism, often suppressing their emotions. To redefine masculinity, we need to embrace and normalize emotional intelligence. Encourage Black men and boys to express their feelings openly, create spaces where vulnerability is seen as a strength, and model emotional literacy in communities. This allows them to experience the full breadth of their humanity, promoting healing and connection.
2. Foster Communal Parenting and Mentorship
Reimagining Black masculinity requires a shift away from the nuclear family structure, which isolates families and places unfair burdens on individuals. Return to communal and tribal models of care, where multiple adults—both men and women—help raise and mentor children. Ensure that young Black boys see diverse models of masculinity through a variety of male role models who embody compassion, accountability, and care, rather than dominance and control. This fosters healthier, well-rounded definitions of what it means to be a man.
3. Decolonize Gender Roles and Reject Patriarchal Constructs
Patriarchy imposes narrow definitions of gender that harm both men and women. Redefining Black masculinity requires a rejection of these colonial frameworks. Begin by teaching that masculinity isn’t about domination or control but about balance, responsibility, and mutual support. Encourage young boys and men to see themselves outside of capitalist, patriarchal roles like "provider" or "protector" and instead redefine masculinity to include emotional protection, community building, and nurturing relationships.
In solidarity and liberation,
Desireé B Stephens
Share this post