Rituals of Return: Finding Your Way Back to Yourself
Reclaiming rituals for grounding, renewal, and personal liberation
Good afternoon,
Before we begin, take a moment. Breathe in deeply. Feel your feet on the ground, your body in your chair, your presence in this moment.
Now, ask yourself: When was the last time I truly felt like myself?
Not the self that’s performing. Not the self shaped by obligations, expectations, or survival and keeping it all together, moving from one task to the next. But the self that exists beneath it all.
I don’t mean in a fleeting moment of nostalgia, like when an old song catches you off guard or you smell something that reminds you of childhood.
I mean a full-bodied knowing—a moment when you were not reaching, not proving, not trying. Just being.
If that feels like a distant memory, you’re not alone.
The world pulls us away from ourselves constantly.
The grind of work, caregiving, and daily survival.
The ways we contort ourselves to fit into spaces that do not honor us.
The pressure to be productive, to move quickly, to never pause long enough to ask: Am I still here?
But we do not have to stay lost.
Today, I want to talk about rituals of return—the small, sacred ways we can find our way back to ourselves.
If that feels hard to recall, I want to tell you something:
You are not lost.
You are still here.
And you can return to yourself anytime.
How We Lose Ourselves Without Even Noticing
Let me tell you a story.
A few weeks ago, I found myself feeling off—a kind of restless emptiness that no amount of checking things off my to-do list could fix.
I tried all the usual things. A good meal. Time outside. A little extra sleep. But nothing stuck. I was in my body, but not quite present in it.
Then, one afternoon, my daughter asked me to sit with her. Not to do anything. Just to sit.
And, bestie, do you know what my first instinct was?
To say I was too busy.
Too much to do. Too much work. Too many things that felt urgent.
But then I looked at her, the way she was sitting so comfortably in her own moment, and I thought: When did I forget how to do that?
When did I forget how to just be?
So, I sat. No phone. No multitasking. No productivity.
And something shifted.
It wasn’t profound. No grand revelation. Just a small, quiet moment of returning.
And that’s when I remembered:
We don’t lose ourselves all at once. We lose ourselves in small, ordinary ways.
In the rushing.
In the over-functioning.
In the endless obligations.
In the way we keep putting off the things that make us feel like us.
And we don’t find ourselves all at once either.
We return the same way we left—one small moment at a time.
Returning to Ourselves is an Act of Liberation
In a world designed to disconnect us—from our bodies, from our spirits, from our joy—choosing to return is an act of resistance.
This is not about grand gestures or aesthetic rituals meant for Instagram. It is about the deeply personal ways we root ourselves back into who we are.
So, let’s talk about ritual.
Not in the heavy, ceremonial sense—though it can be that too.
But in the everyday, lived sense.
Ritual is simply a practice of remembering.
A way of saying: I am still here.
It can be as small as a cup of tea in silence.
It can be as simple as touching something meaningful before you leave the house.
It can be as intentional as lighting a candle at the end of the day to mark a transition.
Rituals remind us: We are not just what we produce.
They are a way of calling ourselves back—from distraction, from exhaustion, from the ways the world tries to pull us apart.
And I know—some of you might be thinking: That sounds nice, but I barely have time to sit, let alone make a ritual out of it.
So let’s talk about that.
Again, a ritual of return can be:
A moment of silence before stepping into a new day.
Running your fingers over an old book, remembering the version of you who once held it.
Drinking a cup of tea slowly, savoring every sip.
Playing the song that always makes you feel alive and letting it wash over you.
Stepping outside to feel the sun, to listen to the wind, to be reminded that you are part of something vast and whole.
We all have different ways of remembering ourselves.
The key is intention.
Rituals of return are not about adding more to our plates. They are about weaving small moments of presence into the lives we are already living.
Because you are not gone. You are here. And you can return to yourself at any time.
The Rituals We Have Lost—and the Ones We Can Reclaim
Many of us come from traditions where rituals were once a natural part of life.
Before capitalism demanded we define ourselves by what we produce.
Before supremacy culture told us our value was in our efficiency.
Before we were taught to see slowness, stillness, and reflection as wasteful.
Our ancestors knew the power of ritual.
Morning prayers.
Shared meals that meant something.
Washing the body with intention, not just efficiency.
Singing while working.
Marking the seasons, the transitions, the shifts in our inner and outer worlds.
Somewhere along the way, we were taught to leave these things behind.
But we can take them back.
Not in a way that feels forced or performative, but in a way that feels deeply aligned with who we are now.
A Ritual of Return Does Not Have to Be Complicated
Maybe your ritual is as simple as:
Sitting with your morning coffee without checking your phone.
Writing one honest sentence in a journal.
Taking one deep breath before entering a difficult space.
Lighting a candle at night and letting the day settle.
Or maybe you are ready for something deeper:
Reclaiming a spiritual practice that once grounded you.
Creating a new tradition—one that marks your own rhythms, your own seasons.
Asking yourself: What did my people do before the world told us to rush?
Your rituals do not have to look like anyone else’s. They only have to bring you back to yourself.
The Pillars of Supremacy Culture That Pull Us Away from Ourselves
Why We Struggle to Return to Ourselves
If you find yourself resistant to slowing down, if you struggle to rest, if you feel guilty for taking time for yourself—it is not a personal failing.
It is a design.
We live in a world that profits from our disconnection. A world that needs us too busy, too exhausted, too distracted to ask big questions.
That is not accidental.
Supremacy culture has built-in mechanisms to keep us from ourselves:
Here are some of the pillars of supremacy culture that make it difficult to be present in our own lives:
🔹 Sense of Urgency – We are taught that slowing down is dangerous, that we must always be moving, always be working, always be “on.”
🔹 Perfectionism – The belief that if we are going to do something, it must be done “right.” That our rituals must be aesthetic, flawless, and curated rather than simply felt.
🔹 Individualism – The idea that we must navigate everything alone, that seeking connection (with ourselves, with our ancestors, with community) is a sign of weakness.
🔹 Right to Comfort – Returning to ourselves often requires facing what we have avoided. Sitting in silence, grief, or reflection can be uncomfortable—so we are taught to distract ourselves instead.
🔹 Progress is Bigger, More – The belief that if something isn’t producing tangible results, it isn’t valuable. That pausing to just be is a waste of time.
Returning to ourselves is a direct refusal of these pillars.
Returning to ourselves is a radical act of liberation.
To learn more about these pillars download my pay-what-you-can E-Book
A 60-Second Ritual of Return
Because I know that time is scarce, and our capacity fluctuates, I want to offer you something small.
If nothing else today, try this:
Pause. Stop what you’re doing, just for a moment.
Feel your body. Place a hand over your heart, on your lap, or hold your own arm.
Breathe. Inhale for four counts. Hold for four. Exhale slowly.
Ask yourself: What do I need in this moment?
Affirm: I am allowed to return to myself. I do not need permission to be present in my own life.
That’s it. Nothing complicated. Nothing overwhelming. Just one minute of returning.
Because every pause is an act of reclaiming.
You don’t need to carve out an hour.
You don’t need a retreat.
You just need to remind yourself: I am here.
Reflection Questions
What is one thing that always brings me back to myself?
What rituals did my ancestors practice that I have lost? How can I reclaim them?
Where in my life am I rushing past my own presence?
If I trusted that rest and reflection were valuable, how would I move differently?
What is one small ritual I can introduce today?
Moving Forward with Intention
Returning to yourself does not require perfection.
It does not require waiting for the right moment.
It does not require permission.
It only requires presence.
And the willingness to say: I am still here. I can always come back.
So, what will you choose today?
What small act of return will you offer yourself?
Because you deserve to feel whole, present, and alive in your own life.
And you can begin right now.
If today's reflection resonated with you, consider this your invitation to go deeper. The journey back to yourself is not meant to be done in isolation—liberation thrives in community. This Wednesday, we're continuing our exploration of renewal by discussing the next critical step: Unlearning Hyper-Independence: The Courage to Receive Support
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In solidarity and liberation,
Desireé B. Stephens CPS-P
Educator | Counselor | Community Builder
Founder, Make Shi(f)t Happen
Love this…..it’s okay to come back to ME.
This was so lovely to read. I especially loved the imagery of running your fingers through the pages of an old book. That resonated with me so much because I’ve been rereading old favorites lately and my mind has naturally turned to who I was the first or second time I read it. Reframing that as a ritual feels so special. Thank you for sharing!