Season of Self: The Power of Boundaries as Liberation
No Is A Complete Sentence
Introduction: Learning to Say No as an Act of Care
There was a time in my life when saying “no” felt impossible. Supremacy culture had taught me to prioritize others’ needs over my own, to equate my worth with how much I could give, produce, and endure. I found myself overextended, burned out, and disconnected from the very people I was trying to support.
One day, after yet another “yes” I didn’t mean, I sat alone with the weight of my exhaustion. I realized that my inability to set boundaries wasn’t just hurting me—it was hurting everyone around me. How could I show up fully for the people I cared about when I was constantly running on empty?
Supremacy culture thrives on erasing boundaries. It demands that we say yes to everything—work, overextension, perfectionism, overcompensating—while ignoring the toll it takes on our bodies, minds, and spirits. But here’s the truth: Boundaries aren’t selfish. Boundaries are sacred.
Boundaries are an act of care—for ourselves and for the people and communities we want to show up for. They create space for alignment, rest, and connection. In this Season of Self, we are reclaiming boundaries as a radical act of resistance and liberation.
Boundaries as Resistance
Supremacy culture teaches us to sacrifice ourselves in service of others or systems. It glorifies overwork, productivity, and self-sacrifice while framing boundaries as selfish, lazy, or weak. But boundaries are the very opposite of these narratives. Boundaries are how we preserve our energy, protect our humanity, and show up authentically in the world.
When we set and honor boundaries, we actively dismantle the harmful pillars of supremacy culture:
Perfectionism:
Boundaries allow us to let go of the need to do it all and get it “right.” They remind us that our worth isn’t tied to our output or flawlessness.
Example: Stop saying yes to every project at work to prove your value. You are valuable because you exist, not because of how much you can do.Sense of Urgency:
Supremacy culture thrives on the pressure to do everything right now. Boundaries give us permission to slow down and prioritize.
Example: Set clear time limits for work or social obligations. Don’t rush to respond to every email or text immediately.Individualism:
Healthy boundaries help us seek connection and interdependence rather than isolation. They allow us to ask for help and create space for mutual care.
Example: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lean into your community. Share your needs and invite others to support you.Fear of Conflict:
Boundaries teach us that conflict isn’t inherently bad. It’s an opportunity to communicate our needs with clarity and care.
Example: Practice saying no without over-apologizing or justifying. Your needs are valid without explanation.
From Codependence to Interdependence: Boundaries as the Bridge
For a long time, I thought being “a good person” meant showing up for everyone—no matter how tired, overwhelmed, or depleted I felt. I would anticipate people’s needs before they even spoke them, take on emotional burdens that weren’t mine, and stretch myself so thin that there was nothing left for me at the end of the day. I thought this was love. I thought this was care. But what I didn’t realize was that I was centering everyone except myself.
One day, after yet another moment of resentment for a “favor” I had agreed to, I realized: this wasn’t sustainable. It wasn’t healthy. And most importantly—it wasn’t true care.
True care requires reciprocity. It requires space for everyone—including myself—to exist fully. This was my wake-up call: I wasn’t practicing interdependence; I was deep in codependency. I had mistaken self-sacrifice for love and avoidance of conflict for peace.
Supremacy culture needs us to be codependent. It teaches us that our value is tied to how much we can give, how useful we are to others, and how well we conform to expectations.
Women and femmes are taught to self-sacrifice in the name of being “good” caregivers, expected to prioritize the needs of others while neglecting their own, especially in familial and caretaking roles.
Men and mascs are conditioned to suppress their emotional needs in service of productivity, stoicism, and providing for others, often at the cost of their own well-being and mental health. They are discouraged from seeking emotional support and expected to carry burdens silently, reinforcing cycles of isolation.
Black and brown communities are conditioned to overextend emotionally and physically, carrying the weight of collective survival, often navigating intergenerational trauma without adequate support.
Workers are trained to prioritize the company over their well-being, absorbing workloads beyond capacity, while disabled people are often denied access, accommodations, and recognition of their needs.
Children are expected to regulate adult emotions, often being forced into roles of emotional labor before they have the capacity to do so. Many are taught to ignore their own needs in favor of pleasing authority figures, a conditioning that follows them into adulthood.
Codependency is not just a personal struggle—it is a systemic design that disproportionately affects marginalized groups, including children who are often expected to regulate adult emotions and disabled individuals who are pressured to overextend just to be seen as 'enough.' When we internalize it, we stay exhausted, overworked, and dependent on external validation.
But interdependence? That is power. That is freedom. That is what we are reclaiming.
The shift from codependence to interdependence is not easy, but it is necessary. And it starts with boundaries.
For so many of us, the struggle with boundaries is deeply rooted in codependency—this idea that our worth is tied to how much we give, how needed we are, and how well we can anticipate and meet the needs of others, often at the expense of ourselves.
Interdependence recognizes that we are in relationship with one another, but not at the cost of ourselves. It is the ability to ask for support while maintaining autonomy, to care for others without betraying our own needs, to exist in community where each person is whole and responsible for themselves while contributing to the collective.