Understanding Colonial Influences on Parenting: From Hierarchy to Liberation

Exploring the Historical Roots and Transforming the Legacy of Parenting Practices Across Different Communities

Objective:
To explore how colonialism established hierarchical and controlling approaches to parenting, shaping global norms around hierarchy, ownership, and control. By understanding these historical roots, we can begin to dismantle these practices and move towards a more liberated and inclusive approach to parenting.

Introduction

Parenting, like many aspects of our social world, has been deeply influenced by colonial histories. The ways we discipline, teach, and interact with our children are often reflections of these long-standing colonial legacies. To decolonize our parenting, we must first understand how colonialism established hierarchical and controlling methods that continue to shape parenting practices today.

Key Themes: Colonial Ideologies in Parenting

1. Hierarchy and Control:
   Colonial powers imposed strict hierarchies not only in governance but also within family structures. Parenting became a microcosm of colonial control, where authority, obedience, and discipline were paramount. The aim was to create obedient subjects—whether within a nation or within a household.

2. Ownership of Children:
   The colonial mindset extended to viewing children as possessions rather than autonomous beings. Children were often seen as extensions of their parents, meant to uphold family honor, continue family lines, and, importantly, maintain societal norms that were beneficial to colonial structures.

3. Rigid Discipline and Punishment:
   Harsh, punitive measures were often normalized in parenting, reflecting the colonial regime's use of force and punishment to maintain control over colonized peoples. These practices aimed to break the will of those under authority, fostering compliance and obedience.

The Impact of Enslavement on Black American Parenting

For Black Americans, the legacy of enslavement has deeply impacted parenting practices in unique ways. The construct of what some call "plantation parenting" emerged as a survival mechanism against the brutal realities of enslavement and the ongoing violence of whiteness.

1. Parenting as Protection:
   During enslavement, Black parents often employed strict, authoritarian approaches to shield their children from the cruelty and violence of enslavers. This mode of parenting was about survival, ensuring children complied in ways that would avoid punishment or worse.

2. Perpetuation of "Plantation Parenting":
   Even generations after the end of formal enslavement, these protective measures have lingered, evolving into a form of "plantation parenting." This approach, rooted in fear and the desire to protect, often emphasizes strict discipline and obedience to preempt any repercussions from a society still steeped in racial violence.

3. The Double-Edged Sword of Protection and Oppression:
   While these methods were initially developed as protective measures, they can also perpetuate the very harms they were meant to avoid. Children raised under strict, fear-based parenting may internalize messages of compliance and subordination, limiting their ability to express themselves freely and develop their own identities.

Incorporation of Colonial Parenting by Poor Whites and Immigrant White-Bodied People

For poor whites and immigrant white-bodied individuals in the United States, adopting hierarchical and controlling parenting practices was often a strategy to align with the hierarchies of whiteness and gain social mobility.

1. Assimilation into Whiteness:
   Many immigrant white-bodied people and poor whites adopted colonial parenting practices as a means of aligning with the dominant culture. By embracing strict discipline, obedience, and the suppression of emotions, these groups sought to demonstrate their adherence to the norms of whiteness and distance themselves from groups perceived as 'other.'

2. Moving Up the Racial Hierarchy:
   The adoption of these practices was seen as a way to 'move up' within the social hierarchy. In a society that rewarded conformity to whiteness and penalized those who diverged from its norms, poor whites and immigrants often felt compelled to discipline their children harshly to prepare them for success in a racially stratified society.

3. Reinforcement of Supremacy Culture:
   By incorporating these parenting practices, poor whites and immigrant families reinforced the pillars of supremacy culture—Perfectionism, Either/Or Thinking, Paternalism, Power Hoarding, and Fear of Open Conflict—within their homes. This not only perpetuated oppressive systems but also instilled a fear of falling back down the social ladder, perpetuating a cycle of control and obedience.

Connection to Supremacy Culture

To understand how colonial influences persist in modern parenting, we must examine them through the lens of supremacy culture—a set of beliefs and practices that uphold domination, control, and hierarchy. The first five pillars of supremacy culture—Perfectionism, Either/Or Thinking, Paternalism, Power Hoarding, and Fear of Open Conflict—manifest significantly in parenting:

1. Perfectionism:
   Colonial ideologies promoted the idea of a "perfect" way to behave, both in public and private spheres. In parenting, this often translates to setting unrealistic expectations for children's behavior and achievements, and punishing them for falling short.

2. Either/Or Thinking:
   Colonialism thrived on binary thinking: civilized vs. uncivilized, good vs. bad, right vs. wrong. This either/or mindset has permeated parenting, where children are often categorized strictly as "good" or "bad," without understanding the complexities of their behaviors and emotions.

3. Paternalism:
   Colonial governance often assumed a paternalistic stance, treating colonized peoples as children who needed to be guided and controlled. Similarly, in parenting, this translates to making decisions for children without considering their autonomy or ability to make choices.

4. Power Hoarding:
   Colonial powers consolidated and hoarded power, unwilling to share or distribute it equitably. This pillar shows up in parenting through authoritative styles where parents maintain strict control and rarely, if ever, allow children to have a say in family matters or decisions.

5. Fear of Open Conflict:
   In colonial settings, conflict was either suppressed or dealt with harshly to maintain order. In parenting, this often results in avoiding difficult conversations or emotions, opting for a "just do as I say" approach to avoid conflict or dissent.

Understanding the Impact on Families and Children

The colonial approach to parenting has lasting effects on both parents and children. It perpetuates cycles of trauma, suppresses emotional expression, and limits the development of critical thinking and empathy. When children are raised in environments where control, obedience, and fear dominate, they are less likely to develop into self-aware, resilient, and socially conscious individuals.

Moving Forward: Practical Steps for Change

1. Reflect on Your Parenting Practices:
   Start by examining your parenting style. Are there areas where you prioritize obedience over understanding? Do you often fall into either/or thinking about your child's behavior?

2. Challenge Hierarchical Structures:
   Encourage open dialogue with your children. Allow them to express themselves freely and consider their perspectives in family decisions.

3. Cultivate Empathy and Understanding:
   Use moments of conflict as opportunities for growth. Teach your children that it's okay to express emotions and that understanding others is more important than rigidly adhering to "correct" behavior.

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Resources for Further Learning

To support your journey in decolonizing parenting, here are some recommended resources:

1. Books:

   • "Parenting for Liberation: A Guide for Raising Black Children" by Trina Greene Brown

   • "Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work" by Akilah S. Richards

   • "Dismantling Supremacy Culture: Understanding and Overcoming Its 15 Pillars” by Desireé B Stephens

2. Articles and Guides:

   • “Decolonizing Parenthood: How to Raise Children for Collective Liberation” by Cindy Wang Brandt

   • “Unpacking Colonial Mindsets in Parenting” from EmbraceRace

3. Online Communities and Support Groups:

   • Liberation Parenting Collective

   • Decolonizing Parenting Facebook Group

4. Workshops and Webinars:

   • “Supernova Parenting Summit” – Become a more conscious, intentional parent  

Conclusion and Next Steps

In our next article, we will delve deeper into recognizing generational trauma in parenting and the importance of whole self-healing as a foundation for raising resilient and liberated children. Stay with us on this journey toward collective liberation and healing, one family at a time.

In liberation and healing,

Desireé B Stephens