First, Let's Take a Breath
Before we dive into the sacred work of today, I want to hold a moment of gratitude—for you.
For every time you waited patiently. For every message you sent. For every way you choose to believe that this space, this commitment, would still meet you even when life interrupted.
This is community. Not performance. Not perfection. Presence.
And today, we’re honoring the beauty—and the ache—of what it means to hold grief and gratitude at the same time.
Because liberation isn’t linear. It’s layered.
And if you’ve ever wondered, "How do I stay rooted when the world feels like it's shifting under my feet?" — today’s lesson is your answer.
A Little Preview
"Oppression work is trauma work. It’s grief work. And we have to treat it as such if we want to heal and not just perform."
In this moment, we talk about why we can’t bypass the grief embedded in anti-oppression work. We can't "positive-think" our way out of systemic harm. Grief isn’t a distraction—it’s an invitation to deeper healing.
When we allow ourselves to grieve—not just the massive, visible losses, but the small, daily heartbreaks too—we make room for resilience, not just survival.
And when we pair that grief with gratitude?
We start to build something sustainable.
What We’re Learning Today
1. Grief Acknowledges Loss and Creates Space for Healing
Without grief, there is no true liberation. Loss must be named, honored, and held if we’re serious about disrupting oppressive systems.
2. Gratitude Fosters Resilience
Gratitude doesn’t erase grief—it roots us through it. It reminds us why we fight, who we fight for, and what remains sacred even after loss.
3. Balancing Grief and Gratitude Is Liberation in Practice
Holding both is not a contradiction. It’s a reclamation of our full emotional humanity—the same humanity that supremacy culture tries to strip away.
Let’s Go Deeper Together
If you’ve been learning with me for free on Mondays, know that this deeper work is what sustains and supports my ability to show up for you—and for all of us.
If finances are a barrier, email Scholarships@DesireeBStephens.com and I'll honor your request.
Equity isn’t a buzzword here—it’s a practice.
Come into the full community experience. The door is open.
Grief, Gratitude, and the Sacred Container of Integration
When we name our grief, we create a container that can hold all the contradictions: the ache and the awe, the endings and the beginnings, the mourning and the making.
Grief makes room for truth.
Gratitude makes room for trust.
Together, they make room for transformation.
This is where we move from performance to presence. From survival to strategy. From coping to co-creating.
Let's anchor it into your real life:
"If you remember nothing else from this morning’s live, remember this: systems of abuse replicate if you do not disrupt them."
SELF: Honoring Personal Grief and Gratitude
Inside yourself, grief might look like naming the energy you’ve wasted surviving supremacy culture.
It might look like mourning the ways you’ve bypassed your own needs to be "good" or "enough."
Gratitude might look like honoring the ways you survived anyway. The ways you adapted, the ways you resisted even in silence.
Try This:
Create a private grief-and-gratitude altar. It can be a simple corner with candles, affirmations, and objects that honor both your losses and your resilience.
Journal Prompt:
What am I grieving that I haven't given myself permission to name?
What strength am I carrying that I haven't yet celebrated?
HOME: Reimagining Relationships as Sacred, Not Guaranteed
No relationship—child, parent, friend—is guaranteed.
That’s a truth that supremacy culture tries to erase with its notions of ownership and entitlement.
Real liberation at home means treating every connection as sacred, voluntary, and precious.
Try This:
Today, tell someone you love not just that you love them, but why. Speak the gratitude aloud while you have the chance.
Journal Prompt:
Where am I assuming access instead of cultivating connection?
How can I honor the people in my life more intentionally?
COMMUNITY: Collective Grief and Gratitude as Movement Medicine
Communities that grieve together and celebrate together don't just survive—they transform.
Acknowledging loss openly, celebrating wins without shame, building rituals of remembrance and recognition—this is the soil that sustains collective liberation.
Try This:
Host a "Gratitude + Grief Circle" in your community—whether it’s your workplace, your friend group, or your movement space. Make space for BOTH emotions without forcing resolution.
Journal Prompt:
What losses has my community survived that deserve acknowledgment?
What victories deserve a sacred celebration?
Practice Your Praxis
Action Steps:
Create a grief-and-gratitude ritual this week (light a candle, write a letter, take a walk with intention).
Share with a trusted person one grief you're holding and one gratitude you're carrying.
Commit to seeing all your relationships—not as obligations—but as opportunities for sacred connection.
Creative Prompt:
Make a two-column list: What I Mourn and What I Magnify. Let them sit side by side without rushing to "fix" anything.
A Step-by-Step Guide to Holding Grief and Gratitude Together
This is how we practice wholeness. Not by rushing to resolution—but by making sacred space for both the ache and the awe.
Step 1: Name the Grief Without Trying to Fix It
Write down or speak aloud what you're grieving—big or small.
No justifications. No minimizing. No "it could be worse" disclaimers.
Simply name it.
Example: "I am grieving the loss of ease in my relationships after setting new boundaries."
Step 2: Name the Gratitude Without Erasing the Grief
List what you’re grateful for in the same breath, without trying to cancel out the grief.
Gratitude is not a weapon against sadness—it’s a companion.
Example: "I am grateful that those boundaries are teaching me what healthy love can feel like."
Step 3: Let Both Emotions Exist Without Hierarchy
Say to yourself:
"I can grieve and be grateful at the same time.
Both are sacred. Both are allowed. Neither one needs to 'win.'"
Liberation is not tidy—it’s layered.
Step 4: Create a Ritual Container
Light a candle. Hold a stone. Play a song.
Give your grief and gratitude a ritual space to breathe.
Anchor it to something tangible so it moves through you, not stays trapped inside.
Example: Lighting a candle while saying, "I honor what was lost. I honor what remains."
Step 5: Reflect Without Forcing Resolution
Journal these questions:
What am I mourning that shaped me?
What am I celebrating that sustains me?
How are both shaping the way I move forward?
Let the answers come as they will—without trying to wrap them up neatly.
Step 6: Move Forward in Wholeness
Take an intentional step forward.
Whether it's making a phone call, planting something, drinking water, writing a poem… mark the transition into carrying both grief and gratitude as companions, not competitors.
You are not broken for feeling both.
You are not failing because you still mourn.
You are practicing liberation.
Remember:
"Systems of abuse replicate if you do not disrupt them."
Disrupt by grieving fully.
Disrupt by celebrating fiercely.
Disrupt by living in your full humanity.
You are the disruption.
You are the integration.
You are the sacred middle.
Closing Reflection: Your Heart Is Big Enough
Your heart is wide enough to hold grief and gratitude together.
Your body is strong enough to carry both the ache of what’s been lost and the awe of what is still possible.
You don’t have to choose one or the other.
You were never meant to.
Today, we practice wholeness.
Today, we honor the sacred both/and of being human.
I’ll meet you tomorrow for Day 95: Dreaming Forward: What Comes Next.
But today—today we grieve, we give thanks, and we grow.
In solidarity and liberation,
Desireé B. Stephens, CPS-P
Educator | Counselor | Community Builder
Founder, Make Shi(f)t Happen
New Agreements, New Systems, Deeper Connections
Writer of Liberation Education
Where Reflection Meets Transformation
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me tomorrow at 9:30am EST for my next live video in the app.
Share this post