They said,
“It is what it is.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Boys will be boys.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
But none of these offered justice.
None of these made us safer.
None of these honored what was really happening in our bodies, homes, or communities.
These phrases aren’t neutral. They’re silencing tools, polite dismissals in the language of colonized care.
So today, we unmask them.
3 Core Takeaways
1. “It Is What It Is” Is a Door Slam, Not a Dialogue
It feels like acceptance, but it’s actually avoidance.
2. Clichés Protect Systems, Not People
These phrases are used to shut down real questions and real pain. They protect those in power, not those in need.
3. Liberation Is a Language Shift
Freedom begins with new language, language that doesn’t end the conversation, but expands it.
Practice Your Praxis: SELF • HOME • WORK
Choose one—or embody them all. This is how we move from “it is what it is” to “this is what we’re creating.”
SELF:
Audit your own internalized clichés.
Write down the phrases you say to yourself when you feel overwhelmed (e.g., “Suck it up,” “Keep it moving,” “This isn’t a big deal.”)
Then write the truth underneath it.
HOME:
Create a “Liberatory Language” jar.
As a family or household, add alternative phrases that invite dialogue.
Use it as a way to teach kids that honesty and discomfort are not enemies.
Optional Prompt:
“What’s one thing you wish someone had told you instead of ‘It is what it is’?”
WORK:
Start a meeting with a reflection question:
Instead of “Any updates?” ask: “What’s something you wish you had space to say last week?”
Normalize truth-telling over toxic positivity.
Interrupt clichés in meetings or conflicts.
When someone says, “Let’s not dwell on the past,” gently offer:
“I believe honoring the past helps us repair and grow.”
Normalize nuance.
Final Reflection: Language as Liberation
We are not meant to be silenced by syntax.
We are meant to be set free by our words.
Let the cliché die.
Let the real truth rise.
Because beloved, “It is what it is”…
…until we say it’s not.
We are the storytellers of our lineage.
And every phrase we pass down, every truth we reclaim, plants a seed for what comes next.
Let’s say less that keeps us small.
Let’s say more that makes us whole.
Because “it is what it is” has never liberated anyone.
But saying, “This isn’t working, and we deserve better”?
That’s the start of something sacred.
See you Wednesday on Let’s Have The Conversation where we discuss:
Language as a Mirror: Who Are You Really Serving?
We say "we’re helping", but are we centering?
We say "we're being kind", but is it clarity or comfort we’re protecting?
In this episode, we unpack how language reveals not just what you believe, but who you’re beholden to.
Because if your words tiptoe around power but shout at the marginalized, it’s time to ask:
Who are you really in service to?
We’ll explore:
— The difference between liberating language and language that performs liberation
— How default phrasing reveals unconscious allegiance
— What it means to speak in alignment with your values, not your ego
✊🏽 Liberation isn’t just what we say. It’s what our words make space for.
🔔 Set your reminders. This one’s a mirror, not a microphone.
With you in this sacred undoing,
—Desireé B. Stephens
Founder, Make Shi(f)t Happen
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me Mon, Wed, and Fri 9:30 am EST for my next live video in the app.
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