What I find most striking here is that they were able to assert this boundary, or even to know it. This speaks volumes about how well you have raised your children to know their truth, and how they have internalized the message. Well done, to everyone
That means so much coming from you. I admire your parenting so much how you show up in the world, your home and for your babies ❤️ so thank you for this!!
Thank you. While I understand the importance of building trust with my students, I do not always understand my students' challenges to building that trust. Thank you for making me uncomfortable so that I may continue to grow and hopefully be a more aware and better human.
The lens that you organize and teach from is so juicy to me. Your ability to weave together threads of complexity and nuance in ways that bring clarity and invites us to expand/evolve is dope AF.
I love how you advocated for, held, and empowered your son in this situation. I also appreciate how you acknowledged and named the complexities that the woman racialized as white must navigate in this situation.
Your son's trust of his inner guidance and you empowering him and protecting him in ways that he felt safe to use his voice in a situation like this has provided such a rich opportunity for us readers to reflect and interrogate within.
I read this a second time and replaced "white people, white supremacy, and whiteness" with "men, patriarchy, manhood, etc." and it was a dope exercise of internal auditing. Thanks!
Oooffff. "To live, for just a moment, in the space of being distrusted because of the legacy your people built. It is an opportunity to get curious and activate empathy." I appreciate this post so much. I am white bodied with a white bodied family living in a predominately white community. My high school daughter is taking an elective African American Studies class at school. She is one of 2 white students in this class at that are white. She is an anxious child and in this class she often feels overwhelm as if opinions about her are predetermined. And she should not be trusted as she has always been deemed the standard by which all bodies are measured. (Resmaa Menakem). And her body responds to the charge. I honor her sensitivity. We will talk about this post together. She has an opportunity to build capacity/space to hold the heat of race. I will also remind her that distrust of white bodies is historical and current. We are not safe as a collective. We are working to change that and in the meantime we must ask your powerful question, "what do I need to confront so I no longer cause harm." Thank you for sharing this powerful story. Your compassion and care for white people while holding us in accountability and truth is so healing for me.
I did not have the right to speak up in my home or at my >90% white school, so when bullied and abused at home, then racially bullied abused at school.... I thought it broke me. But the Source was simply bending me into a new shape. But no young black man should go through the self hatred I had to go through, the world teaches you you are less than and many parents do the same out of their ignorance.....
I shed tears for the young black men like me, so desperate to be loved and not criminalized by both their own family and society, and able to just be human..... Black men aren't seen as humans and it's sad..and it's scary and I worry about how much hate we get as a community from within and without.... It paralyzed me for years
There’s so much here. And I align with it. I was raised by a mother who didn’t know how to back down. And so I carried that energy with me in a lot of places. It took a long time for me to realize that I am an enigma to people. And when I say people, I don’t just mean White people or Black people or even people of other races and ethnicities. Just people in general. The fact is we live in a society that programs us to show up in the world in certain ways. It’s like we’re always trying to earn our spot. But, I realized a long time ago that I didn’t have to earn my spot. The way I name it is “All of Creation, took a vote and said yes to me. So, my job is to live my life saying yes to myself.” I try to raise my daughters the same way. What many of us never realize is that all of our liberation is tied together. It just is. Point blank! There’s no escape route that doesn’t include everyone. So we’re going to have to figure this crap out. But I like what you did here which was address different people from their points of view. We have to be able to acknowledge our vantage points and then accept that we can’t see what other people see. That way we can learn and listen to them describe the parts we’re missing. And hopefully we can put the big picture together and see how we all fit in it.
I am reading and re-reading this post. It's so powerful. Your story about your son really captures the issue. As a white person, I really want to know these things. I don't want to perpetuate the problem. I recently toured the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History in Detroit. I toured the city with a native born black man and benefited from his unique perspective. I want to understand. Thank you.
Great read. As a Black transracial adoptee with white adoptive parents, I didn't always have the luxury of any distrust of white people mattering, for survival reasons, but now I do and it's cool to be able to honor that and name that like your son did, very beautiful, good job.
That's a helpful article. While I don't expect people who don't know me to trust me, in fact as another commenter writes, I may not understand or be tolerant of the barriers others face because of history or trauma.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience. My son has started to voice similar thoughts and feelings about school. Your writing is a powerful reminder to validate and be curious about his feelings rather than letting defensiveness or a need to placate existing systems get the upper hand.
This is so profound on so many fronts. What if we collectively listened to the wisdom of children more the way you did you son? I don’t know much about your story, but it sounds like your son is ND which makes truth telling almost impossible not to do, sometimes to our own detriment. I’m so happy to know that there was a safe container for him to express, be heard, regulate and have his wishes and sovereignty honoured.
it’s very gracious, the way you create space for white people too. You don’t owe us any gentleness, but your way of taking up your own space is an invitation to something better, something more beautiful.
What I find most striking here is that they were able to assert this boundary, or even to know it. This speaks volumes about how well you have raised your children to know their truth, and how they have internalized the message. Well done, to everyone
That means so much coming from you. I admire your parenting so much how you show up in the world, your home and for your babies ❤️ so thank you for this!!
Thank you. While I understand the importance of building trust with my students, I do not always understand my students' challenges to building that trust. Thank you for making me uncomfortable so that I may continue to grow and hopefully be a more aware and better human.
The lens that you organize and teach from is so juicy to me. Your ability to weave together threads of complexity and nuance in ways that bring clarity and invites us to expand/evolve is dope AF.
I love how you advocated for, held, and empowered your son in this situation. I also appreciate how you acknowledged and named the complexities that the woman racialized as white must navigate in this situation.
Your son's trust of his inner guidance and you empowering him and protecting him in ways that he felt safe to use his voice in a situation like this has provided such a rich opportunity for us readers to reflect and interrogate within.
I read this a second time and replaced "white people, white supremacy, and whiteness" with "men, patriarchy, manhood, etc." and it was a dope exercise of internal auditing. Thanks!
Oooffff. "To live, for just a moment, in the space of being distrusted because of the legacy your people built. It is an opportunity to get curious and activate empathy." I appreciate this post so much. I am white bodied with a white bodied family living in a predominately white community. My high school daughter is taking an elective African American Studies class at school. She is one of 2 white students in this class at that are white. She is an anxious child and in this class she often feels overwhelm as if opinions about her are predetermined. And she should not be trusted as she has always been deemed the standard by which all bodies are measured. (Resmaa Menakem). And her body responds to the charge. I honor her sensitivity. We will talk about this post together. She has an opportunity to build capacity/space to hold the heat of race. I will also remind her that distrust of white bodies is historical and current. We are not safe as a collective. We are working to change that and in the meantime we must ask your powerful question, "what do I need to confront so I no longer cause harm." Thank you for sharing this powerful story. Your compassion and care for white people while holding us in accountability and truth is so healing for me.
I did not have the right to speak up in my home or at my >90% white school, so when bullied and abused at home, then racially bullied abused at school.... I thought it broke me. But the Source was simply bending me into a new shape. But no young black man should go through the self hatred I had to go through, the world teaches you you are less than and many parents do the same out of their ignorance.....
I shed tears for the young black men like me, so desperate to be loved and not criminalized by both their own family and society, and able to just be human..... Black men aren't seen as humans and it's sad..and it's scary and I worry about how much hate we get as a community from within and without.... It paralyzed me for years
There’s so much here. And I align with it. I was raised by a mother who didn’t know how to back down. And so I carried that energy with me in a lot of places. It took a long time for me to realize that I am an enigma to people. And when I say people, I don’t just mean White people or Black people or even people of other races and ethnicities. Just people in general. The fact is we live in a society that programs us to show up in the world in certain ways. It’s like we’re always trying to earn our spot. But, I realized a long time ago that I didn’t have to earn my spot. The way I name it is “All of Creation, took a vote and said yes to me. So, my job is to live my life saying yes to myself.” I try to raise my daughters the same way. What many of us never realize is that all of our liberation is tied together. It just is. Point blank! There’s no escape route that doesn’t include everyone. So we’re going to have to figure this crap out. But I like what you did here which was address different people from their points of view. We have to be able to acknowledge our vantage points and then accept that we can’t see what other people see. That way we can learn and listen to them describe the parts we’re missing. And hopefully we can put the big picture together and see how we all fit in it.
I am reading and re-reading this post. It's so powerful. Your story about your son really captures the issue. As a white person, I really want to know these things. I don't want to perpetuate the problem. I recently toured the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History in Detroit. I toured the city with a native born black man and benefited from his unique perspective. I want to understand. Thank you.
Great read. As a Black transracial adoptee with white adoptive parents, I didn't always have the luxury of any distrust of white people mattering, for survival reasons, but now I do and it's cool to be able to honor that and name that like your son did, very beautiful, good job.
There are so many layers to transracial adoption, I am so sorry you had to navigate, and love that you are able to live and walk in your truth.
That's a helpful article. While I don't expect people who don't know me to trust me, in fact as another commenter writes, I may not understand or be tolerant of the barriers others face because of history or trauma.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience. My son has started to voice similar thoughts and feelings about school. Your writing is a powerful reminder to validate and be curious about his feelings rather than letting defensiveness or a need to placate existing systems get the upper hand.
This is so profound on so many fronts. What if we collectively listened to the wisdom of children more the way you did you son? I don’t know much about your story, but it sounds like your son is ND which makes truth telling almost impossible not to do, sometimes to our own detriment. I’m so happy to know that there was a safe container for him to express, be heard, regulate and have his wishes and sovereignty honoured.
it’s very gracious, the way you create space for white people too. You don’t owe us any gentleness, but your way of taking up your own space is an invitation to something better, something more beautiful.
So powerful. Thank you for embodying this mindful and tender work. 🙏🏽
Thank you for the food for thought and reflection.
'i’m white and I din’t trust them rither
Insightful and wise, as always. I learn so much by reading your posts.
Thank you!