“It Is What It Is”… And Other Phrases That Police the Spirit
A Deeper Look Into How Language Becomes a System — and How We Reclaim It
We’ve all heard it.
“It is what it is.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Let’s not rock the boat.”
These phrases are offered like comfort.
But more often, they are discipline disguised as wisdom.
They don’t open dialogue — they end it.
They don’t name truth — they flatten it.
And they don’t comfort the soul — they constrain it.
These are what we call thought-terminating clichés.
And in the world of systemic oppression, these phrases do more than silence —
they protect the systems that benefit from our silence.
What Is a Thought-Terminating Cliché?
A thought-terminating cliché is a phrase designed to shut down discomfort, complexity, or accountability. It’s a linguistic shortcut meant to stop conversation, not deepen it.
They often emerge in moments of tension, grief, or critique, the exact moments when we most need truth, connection, and curiosity. And instead, we’re handed a socially acceptable escape route.
These phrases are not neutral.
They come from somewhere.
And often, they are tied to the pillars of supremacy culture, the norms that keep power hoarded, conflict avoided, and growth restrained.
Thought-Terminating Clichés & The Pillars They Protect
Let’s look at how these seemingly harmless phrases act as armor for supremacy culture. Each one aligns with a deeper norm, a pillar designed to keep power unchallenged.
🗣️ “It is what it is.”
Pillar: Perfectionism
This phrase shuts down possibility. It tells us not to ask questions, not to explore alternatives, not to name what’s unjust, just to accept it. It discourages transformation by presenting the current state as inevitable.
Response: It is what was allowed, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
I choose to question the conditions, not accept the cage.
🗣️ “Everything happens for a reason.”
Pillar: Objectivity
This spiritualizes harm and ignores nuance. It can be a comfort or a dismissal, especially when used to bypass grief or avoid naming systemic violence. It replaces collective accountability with individual meaning-making.
Response: Some things happen because power was left unchecked.
I won’t trade justice for mysticism.
🗣️ “Let’s agree to disagree.”
Pillar: Fear of Open Conflict
This phrase is often used when things get uncomfortable, but instead of staying in dialogue, it opts for premature closure. It maintains a false sense of peace at the expense of real understanding or repair.
Response: Disagreement doesn’t scare me; disconnection does.
I will stay in the tension long enough to transform it.
🗣️ “Such is life.”
Pillar: Defensiveness
This one resists feedback. It tells people to "suck it up" instead of examining what’s wrong. It shuts down critique by pretending harm is just part of the natural order, rather than something we have the power to address.
Response: Life can be hard, but harm isn’t inevitable.
I believe in building systems that don’t require survival as proof of strength.
🗣️ “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Pillar: Worship of the Written Word
It centers individual grit while ignoring the systems that caused the harm in the first place. It praises survival, but refuses to challenge why people had to survive at all.
Response: I didn’t need to suffer to earn resilience.
My healing is not a lesson plan for others.
🗣️ “Better safe than sorry.”
Pillar: Right to Comfort
This cliché often masquerades as caution, but really, it protects privilege. It’s frequently used to justify avoiding conversations or choices that make dominant groups feel uneasy.
Response: Real safety requires honesty, not avoidance.
I am willing to risk discomfort for truth.
🗣️ “God works in mysterious ways.”
Pillar: Paternalism
This phrase often blocks inquiry by using spirituality to obscure harm. While it may offer comfort to some, it can also be used to avoid responsibility or to cover up abuse, oppression, or negligence with holy language.
Response: You don’t get to dismiss my pain just because you can’t explain it.
I can honor my faith without bypassing my experience.
Spirituality is not a tool for silencing, it’s a path for truth-telling.
These are not just throwaway phrases, they are verbal policies; And like all policies built in supremacy culture, they have a goal:
to shrink the scope of what we’re allowed to feel, question, or change.
From Language to Lived Experience
Language is not just about communication, it’s about condition.
We internalize these clichés in the body, in the home, in the workplace.
The child told “you’re too sensitive” learns to mute their feelings.
The employee told “be professional” learns to swallow harm with a smile.
The survivor told “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” is handed spiritual gaslighting instead of support.
Over time, these phrases teach us that truth is too dangerous to name and conflict is too risky to navigate.
And so we comply.
We shrink.
We adapt to systems that never loved us, just so we can survive inside them.
But survival is not the goal anymore.
Liberation is.
SELF | HOME | WORK: Where Are the Scripts Showing Up?
Supremacy culture doesn’t just live in institutions, it lives in us.
These thought-terminating clichés shape how we think, feel, parent, lead, and relate. Here’s how to start noticing where they show up, and what you can do to interrupt them.
SELF: The Internal Dialogue
What do you say to yourself when things get hard?
Do you use phrases like “Just get over it,” or “It’s not that deep” in your own head?
Where did you learn that your pain, your pause, or your power was “too much”?
Liberation Practice:
Start tracking your inner script. When you hear a silencing phrase, pause. Breathe. Ask: What’s the truth underneath this shortcut? Give that truth language.
HOME: The Language of Care and Control
What phrases are normalized in your household when someone expresses big feelings, disagreement, or desire?
Do your children hear things like “because I said so,” or “you’re fine” when they’re in distress?
Liberation Practice:
Rewrite one common phrase in your household. Post it on the fridge or mirror. Let your home be a space where truth has room to breathe.
WORK: The Professional Performance
When do you bite your tongue in the name of being “professional”?
What’s the emotional toll of code-switching, quiet compliance, or “staying in your lane”?
Liberation Practice:
In your next meeting or interaction, challenge one cliché. Even if only in your notes or journal, name what wasn’t said — and how power was preserved.
An Invitation to Go Deeper
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So What Do We Do? Practice Your Praxis:
We reclaim our language, and with it, our power.
Here are a few starting practices I use in my classes, workshops, and parenting circles:
1. Pause and Name the Cliché
When you hear or say one, gently call it in:
“I notice that phrase comes up when something’s hard to hold. Can we stay with the discomfort for a moment?”
2. Map It to the Pillar
Ask: What pillar of supremacy culture is this phrase protecting?
Is it prioritizing comfort?
Avoiding conflict?
Obscuring power?
3. Reframe the Phrase
Instead of: “It is what it is.”
Try: “This is hard, and it deserves to be named.”
Instead of: “Let’s agree to disagree.”
Try: “I hear that we see this differently. Can we stay in this and try to understand each other more deeply?”
Instead of: “Better safe than sorry.”
Try: “Let’s talk about what safety means, and who gets to define it.”
4. Feel What It Brings Up
These phrases didn’t come out of nowhere.
They were often modeled by people who were surviving systems of harm.
You don’t need to judge yourself for using them — but you can choose to stop passing them down.
Take a breath.
Feel what you weren’t allowed to say.
And say it — even if it shakes.
Liberation Isn’t Polite
It doesn’t speak only when spoken to.
It doesn’t keep the peace by keeping you quiet.
It doesn’t fear discomfort, it trusts that what’s on the other side of it is truth.
And that truth is worth speaking.
Again and again.
Until the cliché breaks and something real can finally be heard.
Reflection Prompts for This Week:
What thought-terminating clichés were common in your childhood?
What phrase do you catch yourself using when things get uncomfortable?
What would you say if you weren’t trying to protect someone else’s comfort?
From Our Playlist
In solidarity and liberation,
Desireé B. Stephens, CPS-P
Educator | Counselor | Community Builder
Founder, Make Shi(f)t Happen
New Agreements, New Systems, Deeper Connections
Writer of Liberation Education
Where Reflection Meets Transformation
It’s interesting that the full quote re: what doesn’t kill you is “From the military school of life: what does not kill me makes me stronger” (Nietzsche). It’s explicitly linked to violence and obedience
Oooooh, this is tremendously helpful. Taking this all the way in. Our language frames, shapes, and influences us more than we know. Do you happen to have this in video form, where you teach or expound on this vital topic?