Releasing Resistance: How to Trust the Timing of Your Own Becoming
Why surrendering to the process can be more powerful than forcing change.
As you read this, I invite you to pause. Take a deep breath. Feel the weight of your body in your seat. Let yourself settle into this moment, just as it is.
You are not behind. You are not late. You are exactly where you are meant to be.
Now let’s begin.
We live in a culture that glorifies control—the belief that if we plan enough, work enough, and push hard enough, we can force things to happen on our timeline. We have been conditioned to believe that success, healing, and transformation must be linear, measurable, and fast.
But real becoming—the kind that is lasting, the kind that is true—does not happen through force.
It happens through trust.
And trust? Trust requires surrender.
Why We Resist the Process
We resist because we are afraid.
Afraid that if we slow down, we will fall behind.
Afraid that if we don’t push, nothing will change.
Afraid that if we surrender, we will lose control.
But what if control was never the goal?
What if transformation is not about force but about alignment? What if growth is not about making things happen, but about allowing them to unfold?
I have spent so much of my life resisting this truth. I have tried to rush healing, to hurry clarity, to demand answers before they were ready to be revealed. And all that pushing did was leave me exhausted, unfulfilled and more confused.
Because some things cannot be forced—they can only be received.
The Difference Between Control and Trust
There is a difference between forcing change and allowing transformation.
Forcing says: If I don’t make this happen right now, I will never get where I need to go.
Trusting says: I am doing my part, and I trust the process to unfold as it should.
Forcing says: I must have all the answers before I take a step.
Trusting says: Clarity comes in motion. I will learn as I go.
Forcing says: If I let go, I will fall apart.
Trusting says: If I let go, I might just become.
Trust is not passive. It does not mean we stop taking action. It means we take action from a place of alignment rather than urgency. It means we stop gripping so tightly to what we think should be and allow space for what wants to emerge.
Learning to Move with the Seasons of Becoming
We can learn a lot from nature.
A tree does not rush its growth. It does not force its branches to stretch before they are ready. It does not resist the seasons, demanding that summer hurry up and arrive.
It trusts.
It sheds what it no longer needs in autumn.
It rests in winter.
It blooms when the conditions are right.
It grows at the speed it is meant to grow.
What would it look like if we gave ourselves permission to move in seasons, rather than on deadlines?
What if we let ourselves shed, rest, bloom, and grow—without guilt, without comparison, without urgency?
Because trust is not just about believing things will work out. Trust is about learning to be at peace with where you are, even as you move forward.
Surrender is an Act of Liberation
Supremacy culture tells us that we must always be in control, that we must dominate, strategize, and manipulate every outcome.
But liberation asks something different of us.
Liberation asks us to trust. To believe that we do not have to force, push, or grind ourselves into the ground to be worthy. To surrender—not in the sense of giving up, but in giving in to the natural flow of our own becoming.
Surrender does not mean we stop working toward our goals. It means we stop believing that we alone are responsible for making everything happen on a rigid timeline.
Surrender means trusting:
That the opportunities meant for us will not pass us by.
That the lessons we need will arrive at the right time.
That slowing down will not keep us from arriving.
Because arrival is not the goal. Becoming is.
Where Can You Release Resistance?
Self: Where in your life are you forcing something that is not ready? What would happen if you softened your grip?
Home: How can you support the people around you in trusting their own process instead of rushing them to a finish line?
Work: Where have urgency and control shaped your professional life? What would change if you allowed space for things to unfold naturally?
When we stop resisting, we do not lose control. We gain freedom.
When we stop forcing, we do not stop growing. We start becoming.
Moving Forward with Trust
If you are feeling the pull to surrender—to trust the timing of your own unfolding—this is your invitation.
This is your permission to breathe, to trust, to move with the rhythm of your own becoming.
And if today’s reflection resonated with you, share it with someone else who might need to hear it. The more we speak these truths, the more we dismantle the myths that keep us small.
A Personal Invitation to Go Deeper
Transformation is rarely easy. Even when we want to grow, part of us resists.
We resist because we fear what change will ask of us. We resist because every evolution requires us to leave something behind. And if we are honest—letting go is grief work.
That’s why Wednesday’s deep dive is all about this:
Grief in Growth: Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You
(Why every transformation requires mourning, and how to move through it.)
Then, on Friday, we close the week with something we all need:
The Softness of Strength: Embracing Rest as Resistance
(How rest fuels transformation & why slowing down is an act of liberation.)
Because breaking free from urgency, perfectionism, and resistance isn’t just about doing less—it’s about deepening our relationship with ease, rest, and trust.
Paid subscribers get access to both of these deep dives, plus the reflection prompts and practices that make this work real.
If you’re ready to not just read about transformation, but actually embody it, this is your invitation to upgrade.
Join us inside for the full journey.
If finances are a barrier, email Scholarships@DesireeBStephens.com—liberation is meant to be collective, and I want this work to be accessible.
See you Wednesday,
In solidarity and renewal,
Desireé B. Stephens CPS-P
Educator | Counselor | Community Builder
Founder, Make Shi(f)t Happen
My, my, my…(shaking my head). This is exactly where I am. I can’t say anything else. You said it all. Thank you so much…🙏🏽
Absolutely - alignment IS what’s needed. Totally connect with the control v. trust concept.
I once called a friend because I was extremely frustrated with trying to communicate with a mutual acquaintance. I was frustrated and said, “I just can’t win with her.” My friend asked me, “Why do you have to win?” I couldn’t even reply for a bit.
Your article brought that convo back for me. I felt like winning = control. But controlling the situation/conversation wasn’t what I really needed.
I appreciate your thinking and your writing. I often come back to your articles because I feel like I’m growing through them. Thank you!